


Wanting

by Wonnieton



Category: Andi Mack (TV)
Genre: Abuse, Ambi - Freeform, Angts, Aromantic Jonah Beck, Closeted, Drugs, F/F, F/M, Gen, Inspired by Euphoria (TV 2019), Internalized Homophobia, Internalized Misogyny, Jealousy, LGBTQ, M/M, Male Original Character - Freeform, Muffy - Freeform, Multi, OC, Other, Redemption, Redemption Kira, SKAM, SKAM Season 3, Skam inspiration, Teenage Drama, Trans Marty (Andi Mack), Truama, Tyrus - Freeform, instagrams, reed with the weed
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-21
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-12 23:21:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 36,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28893552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wonnieton/pseuds/Wonnieton
Summary: Its Sophomore year at Grant Highschool and everything is completely happy and dandy. With tyrus being openly out, Andi's trying to be more than friends with Amber, and Muffy being competitive as ever. Jonah being.. Jonah- everything is fine! Until Andi's cousin moved back from Cali, and nothing could go wrong from there right? Johnny, the boy that Andi, Buffy and Cyrus remembered growing up with, never thought anything would've gone wrong. Except there's a whole bigger issue- causing the group to get involve, and incredibly worry for him.In other words, It's an excuse to write Reed-
Relationships: Amber & T. J. Kippen, Amber/Andi Mack, Buffy Driscoll/Marty, Cyrus Goodman/T. J. Kippen, Jonah Beck & Libby, Kira & Reed (Andi Mack), Kira (Andi Mack) & Original Characters, Original Male Character/Reed (Andi Mack), Reed (Andi Mack) & Original Characters
Comments: 42
Kudos: 17





	1. New Flesh

**Author's Note:**

> ALOT of this is influence by SKAM, a Norwegian teen tv show! I hope you guys enjoy :)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I thought she was really cool-”
> 
> “And you also thought she was your wife.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter name inspired by a song "New Flesh" sang by Current Joy

**Johnny**

**_Friday, 6:15 AM_ **

**“Johnny, I’m really really excited that this is actually happening.”** The beaming short pixie girl smiling widely. Such excitement in broad daylight, Andi could even scream to let out such energy. Bex and Bowie looked at her in amusement, yet smiled daringly by her optimistic, “Careful Andiman, you’re going to explode and kill Speedy here if you keep it up.” Bex said jokingly, before firmly patting my back with the same grin that could even match with Andi’s. It was two beaming joy, just one was able to keep it in a low down. 

Andi looked at her sheepishly, “Sorry.. It just, it's been so long that Johnny is now with us. We’ll get to hang out like we used to.” turning to my attention, still with that sweetest grin, “You, me, Cyrus and Buffy- the four of us back together again.”

I was baffled by how excited she is. I try not to pry, but it was hard to even deny it. Remembering those times, we were so young and silly, no care in the world just us. Awkwardly run my hand through my hair, “Yeah.. the old days where I eat sand and get sick for 2 weeks. Definitely miss those times of the four of us.” 

Andi rolled her eyes, nudging him playfully, “It was also the time you tried to impress Buffy, what was it you said..?” With such smugness, as she mocked the 7 year old me, to which I wanted to solely forget, “That you’ll be the one marrying her forever, eating sand is your declaration of love~”.

I couldn't help but make a face, remembering saying those exact words. It was hard to forget as it was true, “Gross.. Don’t remind me.” I mumbled but it only caused her to even be more devious. “It was hilarious how you tried everything even if it gets you killed- you literally treated her like a goddess.” 

“I thought she was really cool-” 

“And you also thought she was your wife.”

“O K A Y. I never asked for this level of embarrassment of my prime time.” I felt like I choked on air by the way she had to state that, feeling so entirely embarrassed by it. Of course it gives Andi such pride to even have this dirt on me, obviously telling this was entertaining to her. “You’re never going to let that go are you..?”

“Nope!” She smirked, it annoyed me yet I miss being annoyed by her. We couldn’t help but laugh as it was to look back at, than It was interrupted by Auntie Cece rushing to my side all frantic and determined. Holding a bulge sandwich that's the size of my face, stuffing it in my bags. “Okay, I think this is exactly enough for you to uh.. Not starve on your first day.” She smiled shyly at me.

I only simply nodded at her, “Thanks Auntie Cece.. Really.” I reminded, and in return she still smiled. There isn't much to be said between us, after all we weren’t that close anymore since my father and her had some differences.. she was barely around. I was quite hesitant and it seems like she was the same as I. It was as if we were strangers to begin with, even Andi and Bex others can sense the comfortability as we just stood there. 

Bex cleared her throat, as she grasped my shoulders and Andis to her side, “Well we should get kiddos! Don’t want you guys to be late.” I smiled shyly in a response, while she dragged us away to the car.

**__ **

**_6:29 AM_ **

"Johnny! My man- the boy with speed, in complete flesh!!” The sound of Cyrus screaming out to my own existence the moment we showed up at Grant campus. Such level hypeness is definitely Cyrus I remembered, always chooses the best words to give someone existence confidence. Watching him, and Buffy running toward our way as if the world is ending if they don’t reach me. I grinned widely to even see the sight of them, before I could even say anything they lunged onto me. Putting me in such a strong grasp, I could feel my lungs being crushed-

“T-this is nice guys, feeling the love here” I choked out, grinning through my lack of air. Andi watched in amusement, hearing my cries of help, “I know it's emotional but he’ll die if you guys keep crushing him.” Immediately they pulled away from me, giving me room to finally breathe but their smile never went away.

“Hey guys! Who's this?” Turning our attention to the brunette teens approaching us. One of them is a bit taller (while the other one was at least my height.) The taller brunette quickly greeted Buffy softly, “Hey babe.” before giving her a small peck on the lips to my surprise. My eyes widened as I eye both him and her, gawking- Oh did I want to tease Buffy for this. Her face went red by the affection of the boy and me witnessing all of this. Well aware I’m teasing her for it. 

“Johnny, this is Marty and Jonah. Jonah and Marty meet my cousin-” She paused herself remembering the whole ‘ My sister turned out to be my mom, and my mom is my grandma-’. “My uncle actually.” She corrected herself as wording me as that still feels weird, still needed to be adjusted to despite us growing up knowing to be cousins. Clearing her throat, “It's his first day here, in a way.”

Both boys reached out to shake my hand, greeting me with such welcome. I then mention both Marty and Buffy, “So.. how did this happen?”

Cyrus couldn’t help but teased in the story, “To keep it short, they met at the party, there was spark- then suddenly drifted apart.. But fate brought them back together. It's a very slow burn between them.”

“Wow, romantic.” I hummed, as Buffy turned much more red then she was before as she hushed us, “Ugh shut up guys.” Marty on the other hand was completely taking this in such pride. 

I myself softly bow at him, “It's good to meet a man who the Slayer has slayed for”. He smirked widely, before turning to Buffy “I like this guy!”

“Bambi!!” 

The name causes Andi herself to perk up, looking as if heavens has called for her. Shifting my attention when two more teens approached us with the same excitement, and curiosity. One was a girl with her blond locks tied back and the other was a boy with dirty blonde hair, whos taller- **a l o t** taller than Marty himself. Perhaps an inch or two taller than him. They both look like siblings from the looks of it. “Great, now all of us are here-” Andi immediately introduced me to them, Amber and TJ, known to be the Kippens twins as she announced it. Before either of the twins could say anything. Cyrus just lunged onto me one more time.

“MAN it's been ages- no decades!” Cyrus blurted out of the blue, as if he was aching to say something to me, “S-sorry still trying to process the fact that you’re actually really here..” 

I smiled at his dramaticness as I shrugged but due to the radiates of excitement I felt myself giddy along with them, hugging him back before letting go, “Yeah, it does feel like decades- you guys look great, taller and- I’m completely jealous.” I complimented. 

“We look great? Speak for yourself, you look like.. The next magnet to this school.” Cyrus spoked as if I was unbelievable, while Buffy rolled her eyes at him before turning to me. “Seems like you have finally grown taller, Speedy. Although I like it much better when you were smaller.” She teased looking up at me.

I snorted, “ Well I got to at least beat you at something Slayer, for some reason I can’t seem to 

win with you. Let me have this moment.” I said so casually, to which she smirked as she pried “Yeah.. I do always win huh? Why is that?”

I try not to smile as I shake my head in embarrassment as I admit “Because you’re smarter and better.” Just like that she grinned much wider, “Ahh, there's the praise I love so much.” 

“Yeah, he knows that. That's why he says it all the time willingly. Everyday, to even eat sand” Andi noted, Buffy made a face yet she laughed as it was a daring memory, to which Cyrus also went along. “Sand? Wasn’t it him swallowing a gold fi -”

“O K A Y, I get it- little me take risk for love, stap exposing me-” I said in defense by bringing up these memories, and to which we laughed. The three of them teased and laughed, it was nice to hear it, I longed for it since I left. 

“You guys seem really close??” Jonah pointed out.

“I mean- I originally lived here and I moved to California when I was in third grade..-” 

“Yeah it used to be the four of us back then, we were the ultimate Good Hair Crew.” Cyrus said so proudly to which the rest of us laughed at such an interesting group name. Buffy noted, “Lets not forget that both Johnny and Andi were known as the ‘Mack’ twins- even when they weren’t at all. They were attached to the hip, there's no Andi without Speedy.” 

Both Andi and I snickered at that, in such a small town it spread pretty fast about the both of us back then. “We were both born in the same year, around the same month. We’re twins in secrets but not exactly. We even talk the same- we could be literally the same person.” We both said the same time, yet on purpose to show the clarity of our title. The four of us laugh as it brings joy to us, as the rest watched amused at the same time admire at such close bonds. 

“Ugh god, I forget how annoying it is when you guys do that.” Buffy groaned at our odd sync.

“I think it's really cute, I can even imagine little them saying it.” Amber awed fondly, causing Andi's face turning rosey pink. “Since you moved- how come you moved back to Shadyside? I’ve heard California is great.” 

For a split second, I felt something in my throat like I felt like I wanted to throw up. Why I even moved back in the first place, it's a subject I’m not fond of. Nor do I even talk about it at all, not even to Andi, well in specific details I mean. I was hesitant to answer, “My dad goes business abroad- overseas, so. Here I am.” I simply responded, it was all I could say. 

“ Oh kind of like Buffy’s and her mom right? Going overseas.” I simply nodded, causing Buffy to gently pat my shoulder in understanding in that context. 

“Yeah.. although It's fine! Like California is great and all, but I’m actually really glad to at least be with people I miss so much. The places I remembered in Shadyside haven't changed. Which is good..” I clarified before joking lightly, “Sucks that I had to move back in the middle of sophomore year, probably got hefty shit to do- and exams are already coming around right..?” 

“Don’t worry, we’ll make sure you won’t die. **I’ll** make sure you won’t die.” Cyrus reassured me as he grasped my shoulder, facing me with such determination. Shaking my head in amusement yet appreciating the care, “Thanks that make me feel more worried knowing I’m safe by your hands Cy.”

“We shouldn’t worry much about him, Cy. He's Speedy, he’s quick on his feet and he’ll adjust things pretty easily.” Andi said in complete faith in me. 

“Is that why your name is Speedy, you’re quick?? I don't believe it.” TJ scoffed off, but it was a clear open challenge. Marty chimed in as he crossed his arm smirking, “Yeah, are you really the big deal? The fact that Discroll here calls you that proudly, I’m dying to know.” I arched my brow at them, it was a clear indication as I saw them up close, observing their Grant “Bear” basketball Jersey. I can tell what's really going on here, a friendly competitive welcome, I was about to say something but Andi interrupted.

“Speedy is almost perfect. As I said almost.” Andi noted, considering Buffy who looks as smug as ever beats me all the time, “He does sport as if his life depends on it, he's a quick learner- and when he knows it. He's perfect. He's actually a basketball player back in California. He's super good, he's Speedy.”

My cheek turn slightly pink, “I’m not that perfect-”

“You sound way too proud than he is.”, Jonah chuckled, she then put her arm over my shoulder, “Hey, as long he has my face. Technically his success is my success.”

“You play? In what position? We might actually need new players- today is tryouts.” TJ grinned and I smiled shyly as I shrugged, “I’m open to any position.”

I watched Cyrus grasping TJ’s hands with such concern in his eyes, “Although please go easy on my boy Johnny here, Buffy already hurt his pride enough.”

“Woah- Cy I’m right here.” I looked at him in shock, however Andi assured me, “Don’t mind him, Cyrus is whipped, he thinks he's greater than baby taters.. We all know he loves baby tater over anything so.”

“And he is!” Cyrus said fondly, and TJ was clearly trying so hard not to smile. “Thanks, Muffin..” For a moment you can tell the tall teens were melting away from how they looked at each other. They weren’t saying much after but they’re saying SO much from just that look. Touching each other's shoulders, to holding hands. I frowned a bit, noticing between the boys. 

“You two are dating..?” I asked shyly at both TJ and Cyrus. The group became silent, the couple looked at each other before Cyrus turned to me with open confidence, “Yeah. We’re gay..”. How boldly he said it, I couldn't help but felt bitter. I could’ve responded ‘ congrats’, or ‘cool’.. However what I said is something I would regret-

“You.. don’t strike me as gay- or look as one.” The moment that slipped out of my mouth, the silence in the air became dense and heavy. If silence can kill, then the world would have just ended. I didn’t know why I said it like that, but I did. I felt the pitted hole in my stomach, to see two guys out in the open. Clearly happy with each other- I didn’t want to admit it, never even told a soul about it even. I couldn’t help but envy what they have, to like someone- to even love.. a boy.. I envy it.. Without being judged, to be easily accepted out in the open.. It was worse that my envy slowly built up to bitterness. I want that kind of love, but.. I can’t and I won’t-

“What does that mean..? Look gay- how can you look gay” TJ's expression was completely soured, already took a toll out of him from my comment. He clenched his jaw, frowning at me as he glared, “What do you expect. That every gay person you meet are stereotypical fashionista.”

“Teej..” Cyrus softly stopped him, reassuring as he can, “It's fine.. He didn’t mean it like that.”

I was hesitant, I just stood there staring right back. I knew I shouldn’t have said it, but I did. There isn’t an excuse to erase what I said, even with Cyrus as he has been my close friend. He was hurt too, I should’ve apologized rather than letting my friend do it for me. Yet I didn’t and I felt myself choking on my tongue being too twisted. 

**_RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING_ **

Andi immediately broke through the silence when the bell suddenly rang. She grabbed my hand, excusing them that she needed to take me to class. Breaking away from the group, she dragged me away as fast as she could and we didn’t say anything- she didn’t say anything. It was silent, and when finally arriving at my homeroom. 

“This is Chemistry.. Try not to get lost for your next period- if you need help let me know..” She finally faced me, with her smile but it wasn’t genuine or sweet. It was strained, and I bit my lower lip nervously. “Are you mad at me..?”

Her eyes softened as she sighed heavily, “Johnny, I’m not mad. Never. But I'm really disappointed with you, or even upset really. You shouldn’t have said that, at all.”

“I-I know.. I’m really cool with it I swear! I’m not.. I’m not like that- I’m sorry.. It was fucked up of me” I admit, she shook her head, “I know you’re not, but you shouldn’t say sorry to me, you should tell them that.. At lunch at least.” I didn’t say anything as she softly hugged me tightly, before leaving me behind. Saying we’ll meet again at lunch, and possibly other classes, watching her leave. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please do kudos and comment on what you think! I wanted to try something new and add an oc plotlines and tension!I hope you guys enjoyed it so far :))


	2. somebody else

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Reed.. I’m sure I’ll remember that.”
> 
> “Yeah..?” He asked attentively and I worried the boy could see right through me since his existence made me feel.. Different.. Like my legs started to feel weak by the weight and sound of my heart beating out of me!

**Johnny**

**_Friday, 12:15 PM_ **

**“So.. TJ.. Cyrus- I’m really really sorry for what I said. It was a mistake I’m totally cool with gay people-”** I paused mid sentence, while continuing staring at my own locker. Fiddling through my locks, biting down my lower lip thinking to myself of ways to apologize to them- yet I grew more frustrated the more I went through them. The thoughts of millions of ways to apologize and scenarios ran through my mind, “No.. I’m Sorry, I didn’t mean to say that-” gritting through my teeth. 

“No- that's.. Evens fucking worse if I say that-” I snapped at myself immediately, like what's with these lame apologies? All of them are bad- saying ‘mistake’, or ‘didn’t mean to say it’ doesn’t excuse anything of it! Feeling ashamed, It just makes shit worse if I say something about it, what could I even say? What the fuck is wrong with me- “WHY THE FUCK ISN’T THIS OPENING!!” Feeling the anger boil within me as I screamed out at my own locker while I was wavering my lock in my hand. “I got the fucking combo- open!!” Slamming my hands, out of spite and anger. The hallway went dead silent, some were mumbling and whispering as they all witnessed my own war with my locker, I looked at them as I smiled awkwardly in apologetic for my outburst.. Looking back-

“You have to hit the center.” The voice was so deep tone and low, it chilled down my spine, and caught me off guard. Catching my attention, I turned to see a tall teen with sandy blonde hair leaning against the lockers, tilting his head, with his cool blue eyes waiting for me to say something. I only blinked at him, all puzzled and processing… processing..

“H-huh? I’m sorry..?” 

The mysterious boy chuckled in amusement, shaking his head before motioning at my locker, “Your locker I mean, it's jammed. It happens to me too sometimes, you just need to-” The teen raised his fist then making a brutal force right into the center of my locker, and just like that it opened. “Like that.” He smiled. Just standing there, my eyes lingered at him. Seeing him up close I couldn’t help but feel captivated. His hair was messy while being loose back behind his ears, with broad shoulders, and he was completely towering over me- even when he was only a few inches tall. I started to realize I wasn’t breathing at all- I choked a bit. I shouldn’t be looking- or feel this way but I did.

_..Ba-dum _

_ Ba-dum.. _

“Uh- thanks.. Really.” I respond hesitantly, wanting to stop looking at him and bury down this sudden fluttering feeling. He was still smiling- still utterly amused, “You’re new here right? Johnny Chen?”

“Yeah.. How’d you know my name?” 

“I followed you.” He said deadpanned, like he was serious. I was taken back and unaware how to respond to that. From my reaction, he just laughed softly before raising his hands up in defense, “Sorry- kidding kidding.. I’m not a stalker, I promised. We had the same 2 classes together earlier.. Also its Shadyside Town.. everyone-”

“Knows everyone..” 

“Right.. And even if I did- pretty sure I wouldn’t have forgotten someone like you that.. Easily. ” He grinned as he said those words so easily. Those words I worry I’ll remember forever, having it repeat through my head and heart. “By the way I never saw anyone want to commit homicide at a jammed locker the way you do.” He joked. 

I let out a big sigh, “Yeah, well it provoked me.”

He arched his brow, trying not to smile, “I’m Reed Wilson”. He introduced himself as he reached out to shake my hand, to which I (hesitantly) took his in mine. His eyes still remain on me.. and I try not to smile but my emotion got the best of me. Here I am smiling like an idiot.

“Reed.. I’m sure I’ll remember that.”

“Yeah..?” He asked attentively and I worried the boy could see right through me since his existence made me feel.. Different.. Like my legs started to feel weak by the weight and sound of my heart beating out of me! I wanted to stop feeling like this, if I don’t stop my heart yearning.. I fear it’ll happen again- 

  
  


_..Ba-dum _

_ Ba-dum.. _

_ ..Ba-dum _

_ Ba-dum..- _

Before I could say anything, it was interrupted by the sound of notification from my phone. I immediately apologized to Reed shyly as I checked on my screen. 

  
  
  


_ Andiman _ _ : Speedy where are you?? We saved you a seat- its lunch,  _

_ Be there or be square!! :3 _

_ Andiman _ _ : Hellooo???? _

_ Andiman _ _ : Don’t tell me you got lost. _

_ Andiman _ _ : Actually I’m worried because I’m not surprised if  _

_ you do get lost- let me know if you need help!  _

_ Read 12: 32 pm _

_ J.Speedy: _ _ No I’m not lost, got distracted.  _

__ _ J.Speedy: _ _ I’ll be there :) _

  
  


After messaging her, I looked up to still see if Reed was still there. “Reed! Lets go!” A group of boys called out for his attention, to which he responded immediately. He turned to me, smiling sheepishly, “I’ll see you around- its cool meeting you Locker murderer.” My heart ached in disappointment that he’s leaving and I couldn’t even get through a whole conversation, yet at the same time glad because I wouldn’t know what I'd do if he stayed any longer. 

  
  


**_12:39 pm_ **

“Speedy, over here!”

Being crowded in the cafeteria, making my way toward the scene of delighted Andi standing by the nearby table with her friend groups, waving at me. Noticing the group were laughing and giggling in their own world, I approached them and more specifically to TJ and Cyrus..

  
  


“Hey guys..” I never thought silence could be so quick as if they were approached by a storm. They didn’t say much other than a small smile, Marty greeted me openly. Feeling self-conscious at the moment, clearing my throat as I shift my attention toward boys. “I.. I wanted to tell you guys something- from what I said earlier.” TJ didn’t seem to want to look at me however he was accepting to listen, while Cyrus was completely giving me all ears. Feeling my palms to sweat, scratching the back of my neck nervously, “I’m really sorry for what I said, and to be honest there's no fucking excuse to why I said it in the first place. It fucked up on me, really..” 

I softly smiled, and directly at Cyrus, “Cy you’re my friend, and I’m really fucking happy for you. Nothing you do or ever do is wrong to me. I’m really sorry.. To all of you guys too. It's fucked up..” I apologized one more time. 

TJ didn’t say much but he finally faced me, as the shorter boy let out a breath before smiling back at me. “J, it's fine.. I forgive you. Thank you- and that makes me feel relief.” Cyrus turns to his boyfriend, waiting for him to respond. The group eyed TJ, who was baffled when he noticed they were waiting for him. Sighing to finally respond.

“Yeah we’re cool.” He said with a small smile. Just like that, the weight of tension has been lifted at least. Although it was still silent, nothing to say. If there was a cricket nearby, at this point it would be nice to have it chirp on the table to have some kind of noise. It went on for 10 minutes, it felt so short yet dying long silence. Fortunately Andi gasped, breaking the silence while she grinned widely to both Buffy and Cyrus than to me. I felt glad she's saying something but afraid of what she's going to say due to her glancing at me with such a smirk. 

“I’m sure you both remember this and.. I had this photo for awhile- and now that he's here to witness this..” As she gave both of them a look to which it clicked to them, and they were smiling widely. I on the other hand sat there in confusion, “Me witnessing to what..?-”

Buffy's eyes widened, “Wait, you don’t mean…”

“You actually have it??” Cyrus asked as Andi nodded at him with a sly. “Cece kept a l o t of things, I happened to find it inconvenient.” 

Amber beamed as she was curious and frustrated, grasping Andi’s arm softly, “Bambi don’t just stand there with all this teasing suspense! You’re literally leaving us in the dust.” Pouting as she suggests to herself and the others who aren't aware. I’m still unaware what's going on, I watched the pixie haired girl giggled as it was something devious. Holding out her phone, openly showing her screen that she was dying to show about me- that Buffy and Cyrus seem excited for. 

“Its-”

My heart dropped, the feeling of anxiety as if the world is falling onto me-

“-Johnny doing Ballet!” 

A picture on her phone of when I was 7 or 8, in that.. T-that horrible pink tutus ballet. I felt myself sweating immensely, like shards stabbing me on the throat seeing that photo of me. I hated that picture, anger and fear started to boil in me, watching Andi giggling, others laughing and smiling at me- like.. Like it's a joke-

_ “Mom, l-lets do ballet together, I want to show people how cool we are!” _

Remembering those exact words, the sight of my Mom’s face with such gentle expression. With warmth in her eyes as I began to miss the feeling of her hand running through my hair, her laughers that's music to me. Such burden memories-  _ “ _

“ _ I promise, once I get better, we’ll do it. Together.”  _ Ballet, the love and world I gave for it. It feels like flying every time I put those ballet shoes on, and grew to realize why my mom loved it too. She was beautiful, and I swore to heaven itself that she was amazing. She was my world, and my mom. I was suffocating in my own sorrow because it was her last words before her deathbed- 

“Johnny.. You okay?” Jonah looked at me with concern and alert as the group quieted down to look at me immediately. “You’re.. shaking-”

“ **Delete that fucking photo** , **Andi** ” I snapped as I stood up staring down at her, feeling my breathing became to shake. Feeling the sounds around me- the people in the cafeteria to slowly become nothing as all I hear is my heart beating loudly and my fear golfing me to shreds. Andi frowned at me, “..Why? Its not much of a bad thing-”

“ _ You are not doing ballet any more, what would people think of you Johnny!!”  _ I was only 11 and remembering the face of my Father in disgust and hatred decided for me, not knowing why but I was too afraid. The way he stood towering over me, with his face fully red as if I committed treason.  _ “If people find out a boy like you is doing that kind of bullshit,- this is the real world Johnny. they’ll beat you! Cast you, make fun of you- life would be harder and lonely if they know you’re different-” _

“I don’t do that kind of shit, I hated ballet!” I spoke in such venomous. I hated it- I loathed it more than anything else. I don't do that kind of shit, It's wrong for me to like it.

“ _ Mom said I can do it! I-If she was here, she would’ve said its o-okay!”  _

“Johnny-” Andi frowned as she was shocked at what I said. “That's.. Not true- you loved it! You did ballet almost everyday- you talked about it all the time! It's what Auntie Julie- your mom-”

_ “Your mom is d e a d.”  _ Things I couldn’t control and memories I can’t seem to erase as those words he said haunt me. At times I don’t feel whole without it, yet I drown myself in hatred with myself. I felt so afraid of what he’ll do because he was so angry.  _ “I’m doing what's best for you, what's good for you.” _

“ **Keep** her name out of your mouth, Andi!” I cried out of anger, choking out of my words “I hated ballet then, and I hated it now.” What my father said to me blended into mine, how it disgusted me that I sounded just like him. Feeling Andi's friends all eyes on me, along with Buffy and Cyrus with such conflict and shock in their eyes.

“Johnny..” The sound of Andi's' voice shaken and troubled for me. Worried, as she reached out hesitantly to want to comfort me, to hold me- I flinched. “D-don’t touch me!” letting out an outburst as I want nothing from her from anyone. I stormed out of the cafeteria, feeling nothing but empty.

**Andi**

“Johnny..” Seeing the boy I grew up with and care for with all my heart, to be shaking and in complete hatred about something he used to love hurts me. It bothers me to see him like this, the fact my heart aches for him, I was hesitant to do anything. I wanted to do something, I.. I wanted to reach out and hold him. Yet watching him flinch, shocked me-

“D-don’t touch me!” He let out an outburst, his eyes were cold and distant like he wanted nothing from me at all. Watching him storm off I wanted to go after him, asked him what was going on and why was he like this. Even when I tried, Cyrus immediately stopped me as he said it was best to let him be. I listened to him as I remained in my seat. The silence disturbs me, nothing to say to each other after what just happened.. Feeling Amber's hand touching my shoulder, concern for me as she spoke softly “Andi.. it’ll be okay..” 

I tried to smile at her comfort but failed to know the truth. Knowing it was not okay, “No.. it's not okay. I don’t get it, that's not the Johnny I know!” I blurted in frustration and was distraught with myself. His sour words and anger in his expression repeats in my mind, “He loves ballet more than anything in the world. The Johnny I know is always carefree and never cared about gender norms- it was his thing!!”

Buffy reached out across the table as she grasped my hands in hers, as she smiled sadly “Andi.. we know that- but.. Maybe he did change. Years can turn a person- Johnny isn’t who we knew 8 years ago.”

It hurts to hear it, to know she's right. This isn’t the Johnny I knew before., “Yeah.. I guess I don’t know Johnny after all.. Since he moved back- I never..” I never asked if he was okay about moving so much, how he's been and what's going on. Never asked about him. Not even finishing my sentence as it hurts to bring it up my faults, but they knew already. Feeling a Buffy thumb gently stroke my hands in comfort.

Noticing Jonah being hesitant, “It seems like whatever happened was bad.. Like- I think ballet was a trigger to him. He literally was all shaking, and.. had a panic attack. As someone who's an expert of panic.” He mumbled at the end as a lighten joke.. Remembering the time Jonah himself opens up about his panic attacks. The time when he was freaking out about his dad’s job at the Spoon, and I was there holding him. To be there for him and happens to him in situations that's stressful. Thinking deeply, the word ballet became stressful to Johnny. 

“Do you think.. From how he reacted. I’m not saying he is! But um.. Possibly he's..” Marty couldn’t help but blurted the possibilities. 

“If I got to be honest.. I felt like I was watching myself.” TJ admitted as he heavily sighed, “Not like- I’m saying we are alike but-”

“Internalized homophobia..” Amber finishes with a sheepish grin, but the tone is concerning. “He probably went through something really bad Bambi- not that he's gay.. We don’t know if he is unless he tells us. But there's a very deep internalized homophobia when it involves himself.”

The table went silent shortly after what she said that, Johnny was bottled up.. Internalized homophobia? Letting that sink in, making me feel a lot worse. If he was gay, bi or even pan- I want to be there for him and support him! Tell him everything is okay- I just want to help so desperately cause it hurts. Hearing Cyrus taking a deep breath as he smiled reassuringly, “we should help him, at least talk to him. He clearly got stuff.. and we should do something! Be patient and guide him to the best.” 

Buffy rolled her eyes, “Cyrus it's great that you want to fix things, but does he even want us to help? We could be stepping or crossing the line on him..”

“And we just saw how he reacted. What if he doesn’t even want to get better or be better..?” TJ noted, I frowned at that comment.. It's what I fear- that Johnny is unchangeable. however Cyrus shook his head, “We saw the best in you and Amber.. And besides we won’t know unless we try- and we should try.” The boy pointed out, to which the Jock softened genuinely to ending up agreeing with him.

“He's important to Andi, makes him important to us..” Cyrus stated as he cup his hands on Buffy's and mine.


	3. Know You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “A locker sadist and ditching on the first day of school? I’m impressed.” 
> 
> "yeah well.. I got layers."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title inspired by "Know you" by The Manatees

**Johnny**

**_Friday 12:57 pm_ **

_Beep….._

_Beep-_

**Feeling my lungs slowly closing on me, as if I was dying.** Like the world is slowly ripping me away, the bitterness of looking back. Everything I walked away from is slowly crying out to me, feeling the weight in the air becoming insufferable. 

_"It's what god intended for you, Johnny.”_

It started to become very difficult to walk away from it.. Even when I reach the end of the halls, it's not ending- it feels like forever-

_Beep….._

_Beep..._

_Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeep-_

Walking away used to be alot easier to me… and yet for some reason the air became heavy, dragging me back. The air slowly flooded with the stench of hospital, increasingly ringing through my ears that it haunts me-

_"Mom!!!!-”_

“A locker sadist and ditching on the first day of school? I’m impressed.” 

Seeing the familiar sandy blonde hair boy standing before me, with a burning rolled up weed between his fingers letting the smoke slowly consume the space between us. Seeing Reed made my thoughts slowly draining away, I automatically grew attached. an outlet to walk away from what's behind me. shrugging lightly as I tried to laugh off while scratching the back of my neck, “Yeah well.. I got layers.” 

Before the boy could say anything I made my way to him, wrapping my arm over his shoulder, and pulling him to my side as we walked away from the campus. Letting out a breathing response, “So where are we heading to??”. I said so casually. Reed Wilson was baffled, smirking as he arched his brow, narrowing his eyes at me. Like he was watching me, compelled at my actions. He couldn’t help but laugh, as he nodded in clear indication he's stuck with me. 

“You’ll see..”

**1: 55 PM**

Never in my mind that Reed, ideal ditch place- of all places, is waiting in a back alley behind the Theater building. No not the typical movie theater, an actual theatrical show with overloaded fancy drama, and rich privileged people who burn their money away. I was left alone while Reed promised to sneak us in- trusting his judgement. I waited for him. Then suddenly seeing the back door creaking open, Reed's face peaked out with a wide grin in such pride and success that he managed to find a way. Quietly as grasping my hand in his as he leads me inside, acting casually as if we were the backstage tech.. His hand was still in mine, such warmth and I couldn’t help but thought deeply about it. Looking at small details, the dry blues and white paints still left untouched on his knuckles and wrist, the surface of his figures tip was rough and it was just so easy to hold. I wanted to tell myself it was wrong, but I never wanted to let go at all. It lasted till we were quickly climbing to the very top to where the wires and lightings hang. He declared its the seat, top tier view to watch the performance.

“Is it me, or this a bit too easy? It's a fancy place, I’m surprised not one security grabbed us.” I was baffled. it was hard to believe how easily we were to snuck in without any trouble in our way. Reed snickered at my disbelief.

“It’s my specialty. Being invisible is the top list of my skills.” he said playfully. There was a brief silence afterward, I watched the boy being captivated by the performance, as if it was his whole world. 

“O Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art thou Romeo? Deny thy father and refuse thy name, or if thou wilt not, by sworn my love, and I’ll no longer be a Capulet!” Listening to the cries of Juliet standing by the balcony, as Romeo watched her riveting like she was the star of the night. 

“ You know.. you don’t strike me as a theater guy. I would’ve expected something else you had in plan.” I admitted. He peered his attention to me, pretending to be appalled by my statement, before crossing his arms as he was peaking interest.

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah.”

“Well what do I strike you as, Locker Sadist.” He asked challengingly. 

The way he worded the name he chose for me ‘Locker Sadist’ gave me new feelings- it puts me on my feet. Liking the way he says it, knowing it was between us. Special as if I’m the only one to him only, but I didn’t want to admit it. I hated that I thought this way but I longed that simple silly nickname. I try to hide my smile, raising my hands up in defense, “I don’t know, just not theater.. Probably expected a skate park or something.” I joked lightly. He couldn’t help but roll his eyes, at my response as if he was not surprised. yet he still smiled and his attention remained on me. He licked his lower lip, thinking, wondering, like he was wanting or excited, and it peaked my interest. 

"I take thee-”

Reed began to speak as if he was Romeo himself, so dramatic and devoted. Even from the play below us I dare to say Romeo words slowly bled into his. I was riveted-

"Thy word, call me but love-” 

His voice, and words I felt addicted , desired for him and the amount of greed within me didn’t want this to stop. Slowly I didn’t realize how close he is, able to see him- his eyes, the splattered of visible freckles I never noticed before, how his hair laced on his face, his perfect pale pink lips- even with the stench of weed I began to melted so easily. 

“And I’ll be new baptized; Henceforth I never-”

How our legs are touching, brushing against each other- even his touch feels like a kiss already. Such thoughts cross my mind that no beauty can compare to his entire existence, with him all fear and anger went away. I feel whole and nothing else matters when being with him. How can he be so easily want to be invisible, when visually he’s beautiful-

“Will be Romeo..” 

He finished his own little performance, and once again there was silence. Silence with a dying urge to close such a small gap between us, watching those blue eyes lingering around my face and lips. It was as if he knew. Biting the gum of my cheek, feeling my face grew hot, and I wanted him. I didn’t want to admit it but I do, and I idealized what it was like to kiss him. I smiled shyly, “You’re really good, _Romeo._ ”. Seeing the small light in his eyes, the way I said Romeo to him. As it became his nickname- our thing, I softened deeply by it. Reed cleared his throat as he turned away from me as his face went rosey pink. 

“Sorry that was embarrassing-”

“No..” I quickly cut him off, a bit of a small outburst. Swallowing my own spit as I was nervous but determined, shaking my head, “You were great. That was amazing, I literally love it more than whatever it is below us.” I complimented as he continued to deny shyly but the smile never wiped off his face, therefore I continued, “And you were you right, this is the best tier seating ever.. best performance because of it.” 

He laughed sheepishly, “Whatever..” before taking a moment to ask me, “So what's up, why ditch?” 

I blinked as I didn’t expect him to ask about that now, “Why, are you curious?”

“I am now.”

Thinking back briefly about Andi and the photo. Hesitant and I didn’t want to look back at it.. I heavily sigh as I grinned sheepishly, “ I don’t know.. It's complicated things..” 

He shrugged casually, before taking a sip of his water. He spoke with such determination and yet softened me, “Yeah? Lucky for you.. I like complicated things.” Feeling comfortable, and able to want to confide in a boy who I barely met , yet I feel like I know him forever. Maybe it just feels better that it's someone who doesn’t exactly know me, and a complete stranger. Part of me thought it's better with a stranger then someone you already know.

“I..” I started off, hesitant but shyly opened up, “Used to like this thing.. When I was a kid, but I was told to never do that kind thing again because he- they said it’ll get me hurt..”. I didn’t want to fully unfold it, but it was all I could say. Making a face I shrugged it off like a joke, fidgeting anxiously “It’s stupid- I don’t think that really make sense-”

“No- hey. It makes sense..” He reassured me. “Have you.. Actually got hurt? From doing that thing, were they right?”

“Not exactly but..-”

“Did.. someone made you feel bad about the thing?”

“..I just can’t. I really can’t. Not my thing anymore and I-I won't be ever..” I shyly stated.

“Okay..” He softly nodded, smiling a bit, “it's not your thing.. Or maybe it could be your thing. It's been awhile, you never know unless you try again.” He stated and I let his words sink in. Frowning a bit to myself as I bite my own tongue, bittersweet about it. It causes me to feel a bit cold, “I just. Get really not so good feeling thinking about that thing.. Or doing it. I don’t know how I feel… crazy-”

“You’re not crazy..” 

Reed quickly added as he hesitantly snake his hand on mine. A subtle reassurance as he tries to be playful, “You know what's crazy?? People call me Reed with the Weed.” I cracked a smile as such an odd nickname and I appreciated the boy trying to lighten his mood. “They said that to me in Middle school, and at the time I never actually smoked weed. Apparently I am just naturally high looking.” I looked at him bewildered by claims that his middle school youth was interesting, and he nodded sadly as he agreed with my reaction. We both laughed, it was ridiculous.. It became silent, a comfortable silence between us.. 

“That is true, now that I think about it. High is your natural look, Romeo.”

“You’re never going to let that go are you..?”

“Nope.” I said with pride, watching him smile and laugh made me just.. Happy. I don’t know why or what reason but it did. Even when watching the performance, the sound of music, and laughter's in the back it slowly bled away. Because all I saw was him, and I never wanted this to ever end. As the sound of my phone vibrating I ignored, ignored everything..

**3:40 PM**

**Andi**

3;00 pm 

Andiman: Johnny its try outs today :) 

Andiman: Helloo???? 

3:20 pm 

Andiman:Are you okay? I’m rly worried about you!! :(

3:29 pm 

Andiman: Can you atleast show up at the spoons??? 

Please??

Andiman:Johnny!!

3: 33 pm 

10 miss calls 

  
  


“Our son has grown so fast, Teej!” 

“The power we’ll hold at the court!!” 

“Guys get off of me- you both reek gym sweat!!” Jonah wined in disgust as both basketball jocks lunged onto him as if tomorrow was ending. TJ and Marty never seem more happy than ever, claiming the three of them would cause havoc during basketball practice and game. Buffy watched in amusement at Jonah's defeat, trying not to laugh as this humors her, “Jonah I never thought you.. Would be the one joining tryouts.”

“Yeah, what about Ultimate Frisbee?? Don’t tell me you stopped..?” Cyrus asked, baffled to know Jonah of all people wanted to do Basketball. He shrugged as he admitted, “ No- I definitely still like Ultimate Frisbee Cy.. I just wanted to try something new you know..? So why not.” Even as he was a true Ultimate Frisbee player, he truly loved it and completely dedicated , but he talked about his personal wants. Ever since he used to play baseball (then stopped which resulted in frisbee), he told Cyrus and to us a few times that he wished to play something he feels more satisfied with. “But I feel like trying out today was.. Eh..”

“No way, dude you were so dope out there! You’ll definitely get in!” Marty promised along with TJ agreement, Jonah is still trying to wiggle out he boys choke hold, “Guys I’m really dying here-” I smiled quietly at the excitement on the table, Buffy laughing at his small suffering as Cyrus tried to save him from hugs of death. After an hour of watching and supporting him at the tryouts, he rested at Spoons to clearly celebrate for him. Picking at my baby taters, as much this was great and don’t get me wrong I was VERY happy for him. I just..

“You okay there Bambi..?” Shifting my attention to see Amber in her work uniform, looking at me with concerns. The table went quiet, to fully notice me. I blinked, trying to brush it off as I smiled widely to express nothing was wrong. “Yeah? Why wouldn’t I??” 

The blonde smiled at me sadly, “You haven’t touched your strawberry chocolate milkshake- and usually you get excited because it's your favorite. And by now you’ll finish and I’ll sneak you a round two.” She said playfully, before sitting with us, placing her hands on mine, “What's wrong?”. I groaned to myself, how easily she knows. Amber for some reason always knows, even if I don’t say anything.. She knows. I love her for it, hopelessly but at the moment now is not what I wanted to be seen.

Biting my lower lip anxiously, taking a deep breath knowing I should. Talk- keeping it in just makes me want to die! I looked at my friends desperately, “I’m really fine- excited and happy for Jonah tryouts. Happy that you three would cause havoc- I just.. Coming to try outs to support you guys..” frowning deeply to myself, “I thought Johnny would be there.. At Least, since he likes basketball. We promised to be at the spoons afterward this morning too! A-and..”

“He's not here..” Jonah softly finished for me. 

I nodded shyly, nervously digging my nails in my palms as I clenched my fist, trying to be okay but it felt like endless hell,” Y-yeah.. Look I want to know if he's fine or okay but I just. he never answered my calls or text. I sent at least thirty to ask where he was, mentioning about tryouts.. if he remembered about meeting up with us at the spoons- “

“Maybe he's just hanging out somewhere else, you shouldn’t worry too much-” Cyrus tried to reassure, but it only made me feel worse.

“-But i am! I feel like I’m going crazy! A-and I make up a million excuses for his absence- I-I want to hear him. I’m so worried- I rather have him yell at me to shut up for spamming then just not knowing at all!!” I ended up choking on my own words, not able to say anymore. “If stuff really bad happened to him while he was away.. I’m worried about worse things he could be doing right now!”

I watched my friends go silent after my outburst.. the table was flooded with concern for me. WHICH isn’t what I wanted, I don’t want them to be all sad and worried! a punch in a gut to know I literally killed the mood for them when they were just happy a minute ago! Wanting to keep my mouth shut- I should’ve worried about this alone.. I began to loathe this silence and at myself, weighing all my issues on the table, which.. “I’m sorry.. I just. I didn’t mean to make this so- depressing.” I stood up, before they could say anything, “I should head home..” Buffy and Cyrus stood up immediately when I did.

“Andi..-” Buffy went to reach out for me, knowing well enough that of course they wouldn’t judge or be bothered by any of this. I know they are supportive and always open arms during my hardship, but I feel like I’m literally burying them with my problems every time.. I shyly smiled at them, “I love you guys so much.. I appreciate you both. And I’m fine really- I actually have to head home.. Got stuff to do.” I excuse myself, quietly leaving the spoons, not wanting to look back.

**4:00 PM**

“Andi!” Cece looked at me with surprise yet welcoming warmth in her eyes as I came by. Smiling at me before narrowed her eyes as she looked around behind me, “Where's Johnny??”

My heart dropped when she asked that, hesitant “Is he not with you??”. I cursed myself for asking that as She paused for a moment. “What do you mean?” Slowly her reaction became stern, and to my worries I didn’t want Johnny to get in trouble, or even cause more trouble at all. He’ll be more mad if a police is hunting him down, even.. Though that's a good idea- I feel anxious to cause more distance between us. Clearing my throat as I grinned widely, playing it off. 

“Oh! He's actually with the guys, he ended up getting along with them this morning. I just assumed he's at home already- I guess he's still busy with them. Playing basketball and all.” I said casually as I lied. To my surprise it seems she bought it. “Oh! Well that's great, I began to worry for him.. Since Bart-but that's good!” She said in relief. I looked at her confused, why she cut it off quickly when she mentioned him, as if she didn't want to touch that topic. Seeming to avoid it the moment she said Johnny's dad's name. I knew Great Uncle Bart and her don’t exactly get along, yet now thinking about it bothers me more because of how Johnny’s been acting.. 

“Cece..” I Looked at her, hesitant, “Why is it that you and Uncle Bart don’t talk as much? Did something happen with Auntie Julie..?” She stared at me in such a temptation, her face softened as there was a burden feeling behind all of this. 

“After she passed away.. I didn’t notice it, but slowly the distance was there, we just stopped. Bart wasn't a very open person, I guess it was his way of coping. I tried to understand yet nothing worked.. things are left unknown..”

**7:00 pm**

_“Johnny.. Why are you hiding in here?”_

I remembered that day… everyone was quiet, no words, nothing to say as everything was just empty. No one wanted to look, or touch each other- and even when they did try to confide one another, it was nothing. The sky became dull, even the birds never chirped because it was so empty. 

“ _I-I don’t k-know how to stop..”_

It was her funeral, she died when we were 9. Johnny was hiding in the corner of the bedroom. Clenching onto her old pale pink ballet shoes, he was curled up and away from everyone else. Whimpering in tears, enough to create a whole pool of his own sorrow. 

“ _Stop what..? ”_

_“I-i w-want to stop crying.. I want it to stop.”_

He was hurting, and I sat with him. I wanted to say something. But there was nothing because there was nothing fixed. It was just empty and sorrowful, and all I could do was watch him cry until there were no tears left..

“Fuck-” Sitting up from the bed, completely alert by the sound of Johnny struggling to climb through the window. My eyes widened as I hurried my way to him, lending him a hand to help him inside.

“Hey..” He simply said with a smile as if nothing happened. I stared at him, I didn’t know how to react, happy that he's here and not a single scratch on him or just furious! I slapped his arm angrily, and multiple times- “Ow- Andi, ow! Chill-”

“Hey!?” I snapped at him, losing my mind. Trying to keep my cool as Cece was still at home doing a self dance routine- I heavily sighed while running my hand through my hair out of stress, “ **You..** never answered my calls or text, Johnny I was worried about you!”

“I got distracted, Okay.” 

“Where were you???”

“Somewhere.” He shrugged, “don’t worry about it.”

“ Johnny, the fact that you said that doesn’t make anything better- let alone that you ditched?! You’re lucky that Cece didn’t get the phone call earlier about it, because she would’ve literally died with a heart attack if she knew! and thank god they left you off the hook cause you’re new!”

“Andi, it’s not that big of a deal-”

“I waited at the Spoons for hours for you!”

“Okay- well we can hang out the spoons another time then!” He snapped back as he himself slowly began to be frustrated and annoyed. “Andi I’m tired, can we just go passed this-”

“No! We can’t just- I got scared, Johnny! That.. that you’ll do something t-terrible. Like you’re gone.” Hearing my voice cracked, overwhelmed for him as the room went quiet. Johnny was hesitant as he looked at me shyly. “I’m.. really sorry, I didn’t mean to let you feel or freak out because of me.” 

I shook my head as I was frustrated but by the end I was relieved. “No.. I’m sorry. For everything, I never asked if you were okay.” 

“What do you mean..? Okay with what?” 

"Everything..? Johnny.. You moved away in third grade so suddenly. You were gone for 6 years and.. suddenly you moved back. Things changed within those years, and I never asked you if you’re **okay**.” I was nervous and chose my words carefully. “I know we haven’t fully actually talked since you were gone, a-and came back truly. But I will always have your best interest at heart, and I’m here for you. For all of it.” 

I watched his face soften, nodding quietly as he understood. “I know..”. I was hesitant but I had to ask because I still wanted to.. “C-can I hug you..?”. He couldn’t help but cracked a smile, “Yeah..” Reaching in to hold me in his grasp, latching onto him. I can’t force him to tell me what happened, and that's true, and until he's ready.. and I’m determined to really be there for him when I couldn’t before..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you like it so far :)) Please comment and kudos! Comment to let me know how you guys like the dynamic of Johnny and Reed, Rohnny??


	4. Through and Through

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Operation Mack twins quality times day” he quoted me with a funny look- as if that was a funny title. 
> 
> I smiled awkwardly, “Yeah It sounded better in my head last night.. In 3 in the morning..”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I also wanted to note (It really doesn't matter) BUT! if you guys want a visual idea what Johnny looks like, I do have a fancast ideal of him!  
> Tenzing Norgay Trainor is my ideal fancast for Johnny! I love his acting and he fits the description :3 anyway enjoy! Don't forget to leave a kudos or comment on what you think. :)

**Saturday 6:00 AM**

**Andi**

**Standing by the kitchen counter, I attempted to shield my eyes from the sun being too bright in morning like this.** Yawning as I felt so groggy and completely exhausted, Even splashing cold water at my face, my body is determined to go back to sleep.., tiredly checking my phone, noticing I at least got 10 unread messages from Buffy and Cyrus.. 

Friday 5:00 pm

Buffy.Slayer : Hey, what happened yesterday..? you okay? 

Cy.Guy: We’re really worried, please text us back! Or call us! 

Chewing down my lower lip, nervously staring at my screen.. I didn’t want to check the group chat, I didn't want them to know I saw it because if they did it’ll progress into me talking about my problems to which I don’t want to! I always seem to do that- feeling a pit of my stomach of guilt, I sigh heavily putting my phone away. Ignoring it, as I put my focus on what's super super important right now!

Choosing to be awake at this time was a regrettable choice, yet a smart one! You see I had a plan, I had it all scheduled out in my head. 

“Today would be fun- it’ll be great!” I promised myself, sleeping my own face aggressively as I tried to scream at my body to stay awake- although that was.. Probably realize how stupid the was is when the moment I felt the burning sensation on my cheeks-

“You good..?” Hearing Johnny snickering in amusement from watching my.. Self conflict.. while walking down the stairs, I tried to act casually, “Yeah, obviously.” 

He scoffed at my response before stretching in his running gear and sneakers, I immediately beamed up, “Oh- you’re going on a morning run..?” 

I watched him smiling softly while adjusting his headphones, nodding silently as a response. Pursing my lips together, grinning widely as I was determined and prepared “Great! I’m coming with.” 

He narrowed his eyes at me, baffled that I wanted to join, to which I was quite offended. Just a little bit, he tried not to smile as this was unbelievable yet concerning him, “Um.. you sure you want to go on a run with me..?”

“Wow, geez thanks for the confidence. I have you know, I’m known to be an average great runner.” I crossed my arms, brushing off his concern.. Although, he probably has the right to be, shaking his head, “I don’t know-”

“Come on, There's literally nothing to worry.” I promised him, he was reluctant but gave in as he rolled his eyes playfully, “Fine.. you better keep up or I’ll literally leave you behind.” He promised back. 

I scoffed it off, “I’ll keep up.”

  
  


“T-totally fine!” 

I forced myself to say to hopefully convince not just Johnny but myself from slowly dying, under the beaming sun. 

“Do you.. Want to take a break?” Johnny asked with concern yet holding in his laughter as he paced by me. Trying to catch my breath, refusing to stop but my legs slowly betray me. Shaking my head, “nope! This is nothing, it's just unusually long-”

“Andi it's only been 20 minutes-”

“20 minutes is a very long time,” I said breathlessly, trying to smile with pride but this is completely suffering. Hearing my breathing become like a horse like- its very embarrassingly straightforward. Feeling myself sweating immensely, I would’ve beat Cyrus on ‘who sweat the most’ if anyone asked. The ducks nearby would have laughed if they could. Within a minute, I curse myself for giving in, kneeling down to the floor- “U-uh you can go ahead, I’m going to stay here..” I wavered off, slight guilt knowing I’m holding him back. 

Suddenly hearing Johnny took upon himself to sit by me, in the middle of the runway. Puzzled by him, “What happened to leaving me behind?” I asked teasingly, then hearing him joked, “I thought about it, but it’ll suck if Cece finds out you’re dead, then I’ll really never going to live another day. People might miss me.” He then offered me a cold water bottle accepting it immediately as if my life depends on it.

“You’re right..” I mumbled

“I’m sorry I didn’t catch that?” 

He said with an innocent face, rolling my eyes at him. Admitting to him, “Running really isn’t my thing.. Now you can’t go on your usual run because of me.” I said frustrated at myself, “So much of my attempt of ‘operation mack twins quality times’ day.. Had it all planned out and I fucked up the first step.”

“Operation mack twins quality times day” he quoted me with a funny look- as if that was a funny title. I smiled awkwardly, “Yeah It sounded better in my head last night.. In 3 in the morning..”.

Johnny laughed as he was amused, then shrugging lightly, “We’re hanging out aren’t we? And besides there's literally other days of mornings to cancel out today's runs.” He assured me. 

“Ugh.. don’t humor me..” I denied, but he continued genuinely, “No seriously, I really appreciated that you offered. It's great, I kinda miss a running partner every now and then. Even if it's 20 minutes.”

This time I smiled back, taking my time to breath as silence grew between. Comfortable silence at least, biting my lower lip., “Did You have a running partner back in California- do you miss not being there anymore?” 

My eyes gazed at him, watching his expression soften yet unreadable. He was pursing his lips together as if he was thinking what to say, “I did.. Kind of.” scratching the back of his neck hesitantly, “I don’t really miss California, didn’t have a lot of friends there- I mean I did? But they weren’t important to me.. Except one. He was a really great friend. First time I moved in, I thought he was a weirdo.” He joked lightly.

“ he was just there by my side even if I tried to pried him off, never leaving me alone.. Even joining varsity basketball with me and the funny thing is- he doesn’t really see Basketball as his thing yet he joined, resulting in running with me every morning. He’s never a morning person.. But he was there, he also packed a lot of food? So much, even weird combos that are really gross- I find it concerning but He calls himself a food enthusiast that ‘Gordon Ramsey can’t compete’” and declares it to be perfect..” He couldn’t help but laugh at himself when quoting the boy's words. 

For a moment I notice a glimmer in his eyes and the way he smiles so fondly describing this boy. Reminds me the way Cyrus does when he talks about TJ.. like he was gushing about him. Watching him lit up by the thought of him, that boy was important.. I didn’t want to ask about the boy's name, knowing possibly it isn’t the right time to ask. That it's better to wait until he's ready to tell me, although I feel myself smiling seeing him like this. “Do you still talk to him? I remember I went crazy being away from Buffy when she moved. I had to at least call her everyday..” 

Just like that, I watched his smile slowly curled in distaste and self guilt. His expression darkened, he avoided eye contact and it slowly worries me. His smile was strained, “Nah.. We don’t talk anymore actually..”

Puzzled by him, “How come..?” Watching him quietly play with the dirt below him, picking them as if He was expressing his true feelings by how he's treating the dirt. Effortless. like it was nothing, as if everything he said about the boy became nothing, “We drift apart.. Stuffs happens you know” Hearing the hint of irony in between those sentences, especially how he worded that. 

I didn’t want to push any further, but hearing he at least was willing to open about, was enough to me. For at least.. “Although hearing about drifting apart urkes me, feeling guilt as it reminds me of my actions in middle school and fearfully possibly now. Slowly scratching my own palm just thinking about it, “As an expert of drifting apart.. I’m starting to realize as someone who loves gluing this together, I’m pretty much making breaking things further.” I admit. 

He then took a sharp turn as his attention focused on me, confused and concerned at my words, “What do you mean breaking things further? Andi there is something going on-” Clearing his throat as he adjusts himself to me, “I’m always here to literally fight someone- I’ll even fight the air if it's bothering you.” He tried to lighten the mood yet still concerned.

I try not to laugh at his protectiveness, shaking my head, “If anyone you should fight- it should be me..” I admit like a fool, looking down at my palm that slowly turns red from my consistent scratching, “I just.. Feel like I’m a **really** bad friend, you know? And.. I’m trying to be a good friend, but I feel like I'm trying.. it’s..” I exaggeratedly with my hands, “Breaking apart..”

“Andi you need to be more specific- I’m a guy. I’m taking this in like an idiot..” He teased a bit before he softly assured me, “Andi you’re not a bad friend.. If you were bad, you wouldn’t be worrying and be in woes about this..”

I laughed at such mockery, “Yeah now, because I didn’t **before, before** !” I heavily sighed as the frustration at myself grew. Thinking back deeply,it bothers me.. “In middle school, I was so.. Busy with my own stupid world. After finding out my mom and stuff.. Then- boys happened, I was literally off somewhere so self involved- I didn’t even notice that Cyrus was having a hard time with himself and his sexuality. I wasn’t really there when Buffy was going through things- not aware enough that Jonah had a panic attack!” 

“I was so self involved, I was always the last person to know,like when Cyrus came out to Buffy first.. Which is understandable because he did it to protect my feelings..” I mumbled at the end, thinking about Jonah and I at the time. “He liked Jonah, and I dated Jonah. I never knew how much he was hurting, never really looked.. Even if I knew he liked him or not- I was his friend and I should’ve known that he was just sad.. Even when he was having his issues with TJ at the time- I should’ve been there too. I was literally so self involved in boy problems, I jumped into conclusion that almost made me lose Buffy.”

“I jumped in conclusion and I was thinking about myself.. I should’ve talked to her on how she felt. We could’ve talked- and I excluded myself for my selfish reason! about Jonah panic attacks, and I recently found out during Freshman year.. The other knew before me- I just keep dumping my own problems on them all the time, yet I barely give the time to hear there's.” Frowning at myself deeply, “ I was a bad friend then, and right now. I.. I couldn’t get into SAVA- actually I didn’ t even apply because I missed so much- going to another school will cause the drifting apart even worse! I don’t want to do that- or bother them with my problems because.. They are so  **fucking amazing** to me- did so much .. I want to do the same for them. Even for Tj, Marty and Amber..” 

Johnny took a moment to process everything I’ve said, quietly nodding as he admitted, “Yeah that does.. Sounds pretty shitty.. But-” I can feel him smiling as if he was sure, “A bad friend wouldn’t have recognized their bad flaws or habits and be trying so hard to do better with their mistakes.” He quietly placed his hand on my palms stopping me from scratching any further, to finally look at him. Grasping my small hands in his, he promised, “Andi you are  **not** a bad friend.. Not the slightest and they wouldn’t think so either. And nothing is wrong talking about your problems- it wasn’t wrong then and it's not wrong now. What matters is that you continue to give back.”

Feeling the overwhelming emotions, I felt safe by his words. I know it's just words but it feels like a warm blanket was wrapped around me. The reassurance he said to me, feeling the weights of doubts and anxiety went away.. I couldn’t help but not realize I choked on my own tears- smiling greatly, “Geez when did you become so wise, Speedy.” 

“ Went through several levels of hardship, I happened to level up to 20” He said with a smirking ego, before he gently wiped my tears away with his thumb. He softened, “Now stop crying, you’re starting to look more butt ugly then you were before.” I looked at him in shock, slapping his arm for that insult- yet laughed because personally it made me realize how much worse I missed talking to Johnny. Back then it was always him and I, stupid and causing havoc- he was my first bestfriend. Talking to him, he always seems to find a way to make me okay..

“So now you mention Jonah and.. some kid named walker- I did remember you mentioning them before..” He teased, I widened my eyes feeling embarrassed remembering I did.. Used to spam text him while he was away, during my freak out. asking Johnny for advice on boys. Fiercely shaking my head, “Yeah well, been through that. As I said before I was very self involved with boys- I’m literally tired of boys, I was dramatic.. Never again am I going to focus on that. Me myself and I are living the best life.”

It was suddenly interrupted by the sound of my phone ringing-

“Oh..” 

I simply said, not surprised yet guilty knowing this would happen. Seeing it was Buffy who was calling for me, I was hesitant to answer. One, I know it's not just Buffy on the other line but Cyrus too.. Two, I do want to answer but I was shyly prepared to have it wait as I was focused on spending time with Johnny.

“You should probably answer it.” He motioned at my phone, biting my lower lip unsure yet I answered. Walking away from him in the distance, in an instant I heard Buffy voices- it wasn’t even on speakers yet you could hear it either way. 

“ _ Andi! We were starting to think you died!”  _

_ “Yeah- we’re literally going crazy- I couldn’t eat baby tators because.. It didn’t feel right!!’ _

Hearing Cyrus cry through the call, I tried not to grin at his exasperating with his way of words. Clearing my throat as I admit, “I’m really sorry.. For storming out and everything- I should’ve talked to you guys- and I’m sorry for making you guys worry.”

_ “Andi, it's fine.. You were worried- and having a hard time. You shouldn’t be sorry about that.”  _ Then suddenly hearing her glaring tone , “ _ But if you die on us again like yesterday, I’ll really come for you.” _

_ “How's Johnny, is he okay? We’re at the spoons- you guys should join us!”  _

Feeling warm to hear Buffy glaring tone, to hear them in general. “Yeah- Johnny is fine, and alive.” I said jokingly before looking back at him who was still on the floor playing with dirt. I softly added, “And actually we’re kind of busy at the moment? On a morning run-”

_ “You do morning runs..? Is this really Andi- is someone putting a gun point at your head?”  _

“I’m so offended how you are technically bullying me on my own skills.” I muttered when hearing Buffy snickering and Cyrus encouraging me. There was a brief silence through the line, as if they themselves were hesitant to tell me something.. Or ask me.

“ _ So.. Everything is really okay?”  _ she asked softly. I was adamant although remembering the conversation before, probably at least better now. “Yeah, definitely- I’ll talk to you guys later.”

Ending the call with them, making my way back to Johnny, taking my hand as I helped him off the dirt.

“So.. another run? I’ll give you a head start.” He teased, being such an ass since he's well aware that my lack of skills in running is a no go. I made a face, as I rejected immediately, “Uh- yeah no, that was the worst experience of 20 minutes of my life. I rather not, relive it.” He snorted as we both went along to just walk down the roads. Clenching on my phone as I’m hesitant to debate.. Hearing Johnny sigh in amusement. 

“Ight, spill. What's up this time?” 

“..They asked if I wanted to see them, -us seeing them..” I noted, before looking at him as I shyly suggested, “Unless you..?”

He took a moment to think but smiled, “Nah.. I got a lot of stuff to do.” Simply suggesting the runs and possibly his workout routines as he mentioned before. Not my thing.. But I simply nodded, “Yeah we got stuff to do!” I said going along with him. 

“Andi..” He chuckled at my commitment, as he stopped mid way. Looking at me as he knows, I’ll rather die than do push ups.. That I could barely do let alone lift my body off the bed. Sighing back, “Are you okay if I..?” 

“Yeah, it's cool.” He assured me, “I had fun, you have officially succeeded in the operation ‘ Mack Twins fun time’.” Saying proudly, encouraging me to see them. I let out a relief sigh, leaving with a quick goodbye, smiling non stop as I was completely in good feelings.

**8: 00 am**

**Johnny**

“Johnny, great you’re back!” 

Hearing the sound of Cece excited the moment I stepped foot in the house, seeing her managing a way around the kitchen, with clean bowls and packs of colorful cereals aligned on the table. “Oh- where's Andi?? Didn’t you two go on a run together?” I shrugged as I quietly took off my headphones, breathless yet so much more awake. “She had to go do something, with Cyrus and Buffy.” I mentioned. 

I watched her nodding as she understood and aware the importance of both Buffy and Cyrus to Andi. N0t phrased by it, smiling greatly as she held up the bowls to my direction, nudging the cereals “Well.. since you’re here- breakfast?” She looked at me hopeful yet nervously. 

I was baffled but I was open to it. “Uh yeah sure, what you got?”. 

“Pick as much as you like! I got tons- you can even mix them together if you want. Andi usually does that.” She noted. Noticing all the cereals she laid out was completely sugar, enough for diabetes, I narrowed my eyes at them. Hearing her concerns and leads to being frantic, “What's with the look??, is there something you want me to buy, I could go along and buy it-”

Not realizing I made an expression of disgust, I quickly reassured her it's fine. Feeling guilty of myself (knowing from many other people, picking on my own taste buds), “No- Auntie Cece it's fine.. Really! I just..” I smiled sheepishly, “Not into sugar cereals- any type of these cereals.. My favorite are actually-”

“Muesi!!” I watch the light in her eyes legit spark, the moment she and I respond at the sometime. I was baffled alongside her, watched her hurried her way to the cabinet, excited to eat it with me. 

“Sorry- I. Never expect you would like it.” She said in awed, insisting pouring it in for me. “Andi and Bex said it's so- boring or flavorless. Flavorless is the world's worst enemy.” She quoted them.

“Clearly they don’t understand the true best flavor cereals.” I joked lightly, yet defensive of how insulting they are against the best cereal of all times! then she laughed fondly. Yes call me a freak, I love Meusi- it's what gives me more energy on my running high and alive during my game back home. I couldn’t help but feel giddy, excited myself cause knowing it's my favorite. I try not to inhale my own cereal, I notice her eyes gazing at me mid way. 

She was staring at me with such fondness, as if she saw something so small having a time of their life with just a cereal. I didn’t know how to feel or react, when she reached out to gently ruffle my hair, “I remembered when you were little, you used to run around the house all muddy. Drive me nuts.” She muttered in irritation yet with care. the scent of a mother loving her own child. As if I was hers, a pit of my stomach of something I’m not used to. her voice was dearing. 

I blinked at her, shyly smiled, “Was I really that bad..?” 

She snorted as she shrugged, “You were the devil, could even one up Bex when it comes to being rebellious. I don’t know why I kept saying yes to babysitting you when I already had Andi.. but you were too adorable so I gave it a pass” She joked lightly. Sometimes I forget how much I enjoyed being around her, since I was little. She was always mad at me because I was the root of the cause of destruction. She was always there..it felt weird, and perhaps because of her care, it reminds me how much I miss having a mom. 

“Auntie Cece..?”

“Yes?”

“Thank you.. For everything.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have an tumblr acc you can check out! Dedicated to this story, "Mackippens" is my username :)
> 
> I ALSO have this story on another media, (WATTPAD) https://www.wattpad.com/story/255807822-wanting-reed-x-male-oc, It has a bit of more visuals image I was able to upload there compare to here, and music I suggested :)


	5. Wishful Thinking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I didn’t take you to be interested in theater."
> 
> “Something changed my mind I guess..”

**Wednesday 9:02 AM**

**Johnny**

**“ I would like you guys to write at least 3 paragraph about why these conflicts between these youths are so important.** ” Ms. Servando wavered the book in her hands, so intent to the story. Staring down at my own paper, even writing a sentence or two, I wasn’t able to put it together. It's been only within two chapters on Midsummer Night’s dream. Shakespeare's infamous stories, and I couldn’t wrap my head around it, one is in love with the other who doesn’t love them back- and running away, then love potions??? It doesn’t make sense!- Even in basic English literature.. for people like us, slow pace and in a nicer way to put it. The academically level of a first grader readers, it's literally hard. 

“They arre importnt cause they feel the things..???.” I snap my head to see the dark skin girl with her frizzy curls tied back with such amused cheshire smirk cross her face. I rolled my eyes irritated yet embarrassed as I covered my paper so she couldn’t read any further-

“-you have absolutely terrible writing” Kira mocked, “Do you always write like that, Chen??”.

“Do you always butt in on everyone's business, Anderson?” I retorted back, and in return she raised her eyebrows at me, not bothered at all as her smirk never went away. Pursing my lips together, trying to act casual, “And yes- but it got better… at some point. And besides you’re not any good either.”

“Yeah well, I know how to spell words unlike you.”

“..fuck you”

She snorted that slowly progressed into laughter's as she tried to keep it in, knowing we were in class. Kira was interesting, I don’t know much about her as she herself doesn't say much about herself other than she adores basketball, other than suffering in English it's one thing we have in common. One of the few people I talked to since I started, we’re not exactly friends.. But we are classmates tolerates., it started with a banter (more like insults) at my writing skills.. And we just tolerate each other just fine. Within a few minutes of torture I manage to finish my paper- 

“You finished writing three paragraph already?”

“Yeah, not to pry but I’m quick.” I shrugged off with pride. She arched her brow as she snatched it from my hand before I could protest. Frowning greatly, “Jesus, Chen- it’s literally murdering my brain. This is three paragraphs of bullshit. How can you be this proud.??”

Snatching it back, “I said I was quick. I never said I knew what I was doing. bullshit or not. It's three paragraphs.. so..” I said casually before turning it in. She crossed her arms amused yet not surprised, “You know maybe this class isn’t really for you, and it's a literally basic course”. I gawked at her, what a blow of an insult but I tried not to laugh. 

“Again- fuck you.” I commented with a bittersweet smile, and within 30 minutes I watched my teacher stand as she was excited to leave, announcing for a quick trip to the Theater auditorium. To my confusion I looked at Kira for explanation, clarifying to me in a bit annoyed as if it's not in her favor, “Every Wednesday, We have this short trip to the Theater courses. Usually it's because they are probably doing a play based on the book we're reading.. It's annoying to be honest.” She muttered under her breath at the end.

... Head empty… no thoughts.. 

I was confused before, but honestly I could understand why she was annoyed. Visually the auditorium was big, much bigger than it is back in my old High School. Watching, looking around as my eyes lingers away to mute out Mr. Vo, the teacher of this course talking on and on about the book and the play. I didn’t mean to be dazed out, but the moment of mentioning the book reminded me of my inner war with reading.. I try to look like I’m listening, but noticing Kira playing with her own hair for her own entertainment is the exact mood. I wanted to wish to hear the teacher talk about anything else but that book.. 

“Leo, let me help you what that-”

Recognizing the voice of his, him is something I would never forget at all. I shift my attention so quickly, catching the familiar teen in blue denim jacket walking across the backstage, carrying such loaded props. Feeling lost of thoughts, eyes followed him and I didn’t realize I was smiling. I didn’t care before and suddenly here I am- caring. The way he just moves and smiles, I-

“-If you guys are able to, again you guys don’t have to if you don’t want to!.. But we of course as I said before, are doing a play and we certainly do need more backstage helpers? Help us with props and at least painting some areas, If any of you are interested-” 

“I’ll volunteer.” I blurted. I immediately planted on my feet, noticing my peers looking at me surprised at how intent I was. Mr. Vo looked at me baffled yet pleased as he handed me a clipboard insisting I should sign in my name for volunteering to which I did.. 

“You like theater..?” Kira was confused by me, and I smiled widely as I nodded. Trying to act casual, “I Love it.” I admit, technically I didn’t, but I happened to change my mind.. She was narrowing her eyes at me, well aware I could be bullshitting but let it be. Once the teachers both dismissed us, allowing us to explore, I turned to look around to see if Reed was still there- and with luck he was. Seeing standing by the corner placing the props around, I took my chance and bolted from my group. To Be honest I never felt more fast until today.

Making my way to him, in a short distance I had to stop myself. Running my hand through my mess of a hair, licking my lower lip as I was thinking how to approach him. Too excited to think and yet too nervous to do anything, to be on my phone to look at myself, adjusting what I’m wearing, my face and how my hair is parted. It.. felt silly that I was- basically trying to look good. Breathing heavily, wavering my sweaty hands as I was preparing myself to really be doing something that makes me a fool. Quietly I stood by him as he's not aware of my presence, distracted with his work. I tried to act like I didn’t see him, checking out the props before me-

“O Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art thou Romeo? Deny thy father and refuse thy name, or if thou wilt not, by sworn my love, and I’ll no longer be a Capulet” I said so casually, crossing my arms and quite hoping I said that line correctly. There was a brief silence, and that silence made me anxious. Going through my mind I hoped I didn’t embarrass myself at all.. That's a lie, I definitely did.. Frowning and hesitant if he actually heard it, cause saying that already was really baller of me.

“Shall I hear more, or shall I speak at this?” The sudden chill down my spin as I feel him havering over me, by the warmth of his breath by my ears. Caught me off guard as I turned to fully face him, as an idiot fool I was smiling so much. I couldn’t help but be happy, to be noticed by him alone. And when alone, I happen to always notice little things every time I get to see him.. The little things made me hate to grow more fond of him.. He was wearing dark gold glasses, hanging on his nose, which made him look completely different- good different, along with the same icy blues eyes , his visible freckles were still there and I wanted to brush my fingers against them badly, and his good of a grin.. I-

“Hey..” I blurted, to which I wanted to slap myself for saying that so easily. I sound like an idiot, and probably looked weird. I gritted my teeth, feeling self conscious for a split second. Just hey? It was all I could simply say, although there was so much I wanted to tell him. Not hey-. 

He reacted adoringly. “Well hello to you too, Locker Sadist.” Tilting his head, eyes lingering at me and he was curious. “How did you know I would be here?”, he teased. 

I scoffed as I couldn’t help but quoted him, my lips slowly curled into a smirk “I.. followed you.” I said jokingly, before quickly shrugging it off as I admit, “English class.. Actually.” 

“Yeah?”

“Yeah- And I happened to volunteer as a backstage crew member.” I tried to act it cool, hearing him snickered as he was amused at me, “I didn’t take you to be interested in theater.” He noted, which makes sense.. I wasn’t completely. Clearing my throat as I lowered my tone, shy as I could admit. 

“Something changed my mind I guess..” I watched his eyes flutter as my words sank in, simply nodding as he was pleased. “So who do you play as? I’m guessing the main role- you are pretty good.” I complimented. 

He was baffled by my question, and compliments as he was in denial about his own small performance. Trying not to crack a smile more than he was before, “Why curious?”

“I am now.”

Reed snorted dearingly, scratching the back of his neck, shyly confessed, “I actually am not cast in anything.. I would love to but, I’m just you know-” He gestured with the props and self covered in dried paints, “-the backstage techies. It's really a complicated thing..”

“Well, lucky for you I happened to like complicated things.” I commented, it was mostly low, almost as a quiet whisper as i said that. Indicating to him, and he seems to catch it quickly as his eyes gazed at me. Riveted, he let out a breathy soft short chuckle. Peering his eyes away from me as his cheek was rose tinted, “You’re something, you know that..?” 

“Only with certain people.” I pointed out. He was quiet and clearly uncertain or collecting his thoughts to tell me something. “..I-” 

“Reed! Can you help me and Leo carry this really quick? It's pretty heavy!” A frantic lanky red headed boy cut through his words, shifting Reed attention away. He looked over his shoulder, noticing the panic and he didn’t seem surprised.

Along with Leo himself from afar, the sound as if he was being crushed, “Gus- what the hell, you just left me dying here!”. Gus grew more frantic as he looked at Reed pleading for help once again, who was smiling in amusement, shaking his head as he turned to me apologetic, “I’ll be right back.. Promise- I got to uh.. Save some lives.” He joked, but shyly motioned, “You.. um-” 

I nodded as I reassured him gently, “I’ll be here. Not going to run away- swear it.” I promised. He grinned with giddy as he heads off to help them, leaving me alone. Trying to distract myself- looking at the props and seeing closely. Tracing my fingers, and I ended up checking them out. Holding the mask, it felt completely light as a feather and it was full of vanity. Such fairy tail, I couldn’t describe it other than it was alluring, completely can see such hard work and little accessories, details of paints, and fabric were vulnerable.. Beautiful at least. I end up thinking to myself which one Reed could’ve made, could’ve painted. 

“So you’re the new recruitment I resumed?” A sweet curiosity from a girl with curled brunette hair that's length to her shoulders, with roses earrings that completely stand out gazing at me. I softly smiled as I nodded as I was, to which she nodded back in understanding. Smiling back at me, “I wanted to thank you for willingly volunteering, not many people would..”

Clearing her throat, as she extended out her hand to me, “Alissa Tran, You may or may not know me. I’m very acquainted in big roles, last year I did grease, legally blonde, and here I am playing the main role of Helena.” She said proudly, but paused mid way as she made a face, “Sorry.. Too much..?” 

I looked at her amused as I shook her hand in mine, “Johnny Chen, and yes very too much, but A plus for bold introduction”

She smiled sheepishly, “I’m not obnoxious.. Or weird I swear- I’m just.. Wanted to look cool to new people.” 

“No- it's fine really. It was a lot, but I kind of like it. Very different.” I assured her, smiling softly, “And besides, I’m flattered that you approached me.” 

Seeing her looking at me, an expression I couldn’t seem to understand and I wasn’t sure if she was planning on letting go as my grip had loosen, yet she continued to hold on. “Yeah..? Well I’m glad you are.” it was a short pause before she seemed to realize she was still holding my hand, letting go immediately before running her hand through her hair casually. “Well lucky for you.. I’m not just playing Helena, but I’m also a great tour guide! I’ll show you around, new recruitment.” 

“Just me? Wouldn’t that be.. What about the others.??” 

“Don’t worry about it.” She was genuinely sweet, with such a grin, “Only the cool people get a tour guide, and you just happen to be one.” 

I smiled but I stopped myself for a second. I was really flattered that she was nice enough to be willing to show me around the place.. However I personally didn't want to leave my spot, a lot of things are in my mind and remembering that I promised **him** I’ll remain here.. Which sounds cliché and cheesy to think that, but I couldn’t help it!- and he said it’ll be a few minutes! If I leave, I’ll probably lose time spent talking to him. Smiling myself deeply thinking about him, I peered my eyes away from her hesitantly looking around to hopefully see the sight of him coming back at all. Looking over the girls shoulder, in such luck I saw him waving at me while walking toward my way causing my heart to skip a beat, “That's really great, and I would love to but,..” I began to reject Alissa gently- 

“Reed, babe!”

Just like that, I felt a million shards stabbed right through me. Seeing a girl ever so giggly and radiant running into his arms, watching Reed’s eyes lit up and smile at her so differently than anyone else. Wrapping her in his arms, lips on hers. He was hers, as she was his- watching it makes me feel sick. I wanted to throw up, I wanted to throw up my feelings I regretfully grew for him. Actually I shouldn’t be mad at him let alone I should be mad at myself, loathing myself to feel this unnatural.. stupid enough to actually thought..

“Actually.. Yeah! I would love a tour from you.” I forced myself to give in, wanting to be distracted and away. Not wanting to think about it.. Looking at Alissa, who completely beamed at my response, or at least relief. 

“Yes!!” She burst out happily, a bit too loud causing some peers looking our way. Seems like she just realized her own outburst, widening her eyes. “ I.. sorry I get excited. That was um- weird of me.” She tried to word things together, yet the smile never left her face. 

I was surprised but I cracked a smile, “Don’t be sorry, I like this energy. I vibe with that.” I complimented, causing her to giggle, before she quickly straightened up. With such determination in her eyes and poster “First stop, the dressing room.” She announced, as she wrapped her arm over my shoulder close to her. Letting her drag me away, I ignored the quiet familiar eyes lingering over me as we leave..

  
  
  


As I said before, the theater is a lot bigger than it is back in California.. At Least in my old school- then again I could admit Milpitas Highschool doesn’t prioritize Theater arts as much as Grant does here. Looking around, there were so many rooms for certain things. Dancing's choreography, musical instruments practice, makeup setup, props craft- clothes, things I wonder how they manage to fund this many. Listening to Alissa go on each part, I happened to notice a girl with jet black hair , from afar breathing out in such exhaustion, standing on the tip of her pink ballet flats. Posing- or practicing some kind of posture and choreography, a choreography I happen to recognize. 

She was doing ballet, a very elegant and dreamy choreography that she tried to perfect.. Perhaps too much. She was overdoing it.. Alissa followed my gaze, seeing the girl it seems she was able to recognize it also. “Tina- I know this part is important to you, but you should really chill out!”

The ballet girl, Tina, looked at her in surprise which twisted in ambition, smirking while continuing to do what she did ignoring Alissa concerns. “It's an important role, Noelle. I have to perfect the Fairy Queen.” 

“Yeah- I get that, but you’ll get yourself hurt if you over do it.” She pointed out, which is completely true. Over work during ballet can cause many things, and I happen to know by experience.. It was a bit of a painful experience to which I don’t want to recall. I was as ambitious as her, tip-toeing in ballet flats and doing it daily.. But understanding the soul commitment.. By the sight of Tina she seems to be very arrogant to listen, announcing she’ll be better if she doesn't stop. 

“Ignore her.. She's full of it.” She mumbled to me, giving up on this banter. 

“Johnny?” A voice so surprised and confused, my eyes met with familiar brown eyes, it was no other then Cyrus himself. Eyes widened back at me, Alissa seemed to catch on when he and I looked at each other like deer's with headlights. She smiled, “You know Cyrus..?” 

“Uh-” I looked from her to him, as I shyly confessed, “Yeah.. we were friends back in uh 2nd grade, before I moved. Its um long story-”

“Very long story.” Cyrus cuts in, as his eyes never leave me, which makes sense.. Seeing me here of all places- “Johnny, what are you doing here??.” He said in genuine curiosity. 

“He's actually a backstage volunteer. Great isn’t it??” She said excitedly, which caught Cyrus off guard furthermore. "Also English class." I quickly noted.

“ The English make sense, but.. I never take you to be interested in theater” His reaction makes me nervous and uneasy, even when he asks that. Yeah it isn’t my thing- or expected to be.., Before I could respond, in such unfortunate situations I was able to recognize the boy I wanted to avoid- eyes meeting mine. My heart began to race, the feeling of butterflies turned into loathing's and- aches.

“I got layers..” I forced myself to say jokingly.. feeling worse because he saw me, he was about to make his way to me. Which I refuse, I want to refuse his touch, scents, and my longing for him because it's unnatural! Other people can feel this, but not me. That bitter feeling about him and that girl, He makes me feel unnatural!!-

"Alright class, its time to leave!"

Hearing Ms. Servando calling for us, as its time to head back to English homeroom saved me. As much as I hate English for once I loved it. A perfect excuse scapegoat, “I have to go...” I said awkwardly. They looked at me baffled. Well Alissa was not phrased but Cyrus clearly wasn’t buying anything to my discomfort. She smiled softly, “Of course.. Well- It was a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Chen.” She said in such a dramatic response.

Giving a half smile, as I respond back in the same effort. “I to you too, Ms. Tran”. Cyrus was puzzled still, completely off guard, “Oh, well see you later than-”

“Yeah.” I simply said, turning on my heels to hurry back as quickly before he could reach me. Refusing to look back. 

  
  


**12:00 pm**

Sitting alone at the lunch tables, you can say I was much earlier than most people were.. Andi and the others weren’t here yet, probably unusual that I came here first. To be honest, I was more likely avoiding **him..** I didn’t want to see him or have him approach me at the locker that he usually does, overall I didn’t want to see him until I was sure. If I do see him, I might not have the gut to stand in the same air as him. Going through the media, searching and looking for an answer to hope to better my feelings. To better my foolishness, I needed more evidence. Hoping what I saw was a dramatic act, perhaps it's just two theater students acting in a love scene, rather than face the reality. 

..Reed Wilson… 

Typing his name on any media search bar, and personally I did have a hard time finding him. I was almost convinced he didn’t have social media.. Luckily I managed for a long while out of luck, and looking at his Instagram page, I realize he was a very private person.

It made sense how it was difficult, his account “Reed.wd” wasn’t private but the photos he presented himself were barely there except just theater. His profile picture was simply the theater auditorium itself.. Of course there were some sketches and paintings of stars and moons, of other people. Perhaps one or two photos of himself, smiling and decent.. Cute- I fight the urge of my own smile looking at the photo of him. Trying not to zoom in, yet that sweet became bitter as I encountered a photo of **her.**

she was happy- on suppose their recent date. She was smiling with her hair tied up and her perfect pink rosy cheeks along with her sundress, clinging onto him so lovingly, as he was hers. Both tangled to each other, inseparable. They were on a rooftop, oh how daring and romantic it is.. I could imagine it was Reed's idea, he was charming I could admit. I frown deeply, biting down my tongue to the point of tasting spite of blood- the stringing pining and anger grew inside me. Envying her, to be happy openly, their love to be easily accepted . For that they are seen as just normal and therefore I am not.. I shyly trailed my fingers on the screen to yearn for him and his smiles he seemed to share for her- I feel tainted with sin for feeling this ill for a boy, and that I allowed myself to. Clenching it, I wanted to break my phone to deeply disfigure his face to change my feelings I already grew for him. 

“Johnny hey I- why are you on Reed's page..??” The uncertainty from behind, was no other than Cyrus himself hovering over me, which caught me off guard to realize he was there. Quickly turning off my phone as I put it away anxiously. Not realizing the others now sitting beside me, and all their conversation stopped the moment hearing Reed's name being mentioned. 

“No- it's nothing..” I tried to change the subject yet he didn’t budge and neither did they. Cyrus glanced at the others as if it was something, especially Andi to my distaste... I knew they wouldn't let this go. 

“Why are you on Reed's page??” Buffy questioned me, stern and protective in her eyes as if I did something terrible when doing so. As if his name was a sin to this table I frown deeply, conflicted and bothered by her reactions, by everyone stunned in silence. Her words started to hit me, and slowly I grew frustrated, “What's the big deal? Why the hell are you guys so ”. Keen on about it” The aching in my chest and feeling of throwing up, hoping they couldn’t see right through me.

“Why were on his page in the first place?”

“Guys- I joined the theater to help the backstage crew okay?” I explained myself. “ I just met him and some other people. They gave me there insta so I could communicate with them for props or whatever.” To Andi she simply said okay, leaving it as it is, taking my word for it-

“Then talk to the others except him. Don’t follow, talk to him” Buffy demands me as if it was an order.. When knowing Buffy for her upfront confidence and balls to go head to head when something she didn’t take liking for, as much as I admire that when I was 7 I grew to strongly despise it at this moment. Clenching my jaw when Looking at Andi alone for explanation to Buffy fire, to which she looked at me hesitantly while her eyes softened. Gently place her hand on my arm, “Johnny, Reed is bad news. Buffy is just worried for your safety.” 

Seeing Buffy's expression twisted to genuine concern, “Exactly, I don’t want you to get hurt.” She admits. 

“Johnny, he’s not the type of guy you want to have around..” This time it was Tj who spoked up. His expression was serious, yet soft. his words repeated after Andis implied as a warning. Like this wasn’t nothing, “ **Trust me** , I know him longer than you think, I basically grew up with that guy and he does really bad things.. Reed Wilson will put your life into drain like he did to me and Cyrus.” He said carefully.

“Fine I won't!! I got the memo already..” I blurted, yet they find it to be unbelievable, which bothered me worse. Made me more and more angry and agitated then I was before- trying to calm myself down not wanting to make a bigger deal out of it, trying to make it to be nothing and convince myself that he is nothing-

“Reed, Kristy hey!” The sound of enjoyment from the table far across, Gus waving at **them.** Seeing Reed and her hand to hand. They stood by each other in such completeness, her name was pretty- seeing her so pretty beside him aches me, wondering if that's what he sees in her, Glancing over how they touch each other so lovingly, each other's worlds.. 

  
  


“Johnny.. “ Cyrus gently cuts in, concerned like the rest. “Is that why you-”

“Can we stop talking about it!!” I pleaded, rather with anger it was in desperation. “Seriously.. I hate him as much as you guys” I shyly promised them, seeing them go silent by the end of the discussion. I was tired of hearing his name, as my head was already flooded with it. I loathe myself that my words didn’t match my feelings for him. How such a fool I ended up in, all these unnatural feelings I let myself feel.. and can’t allow to feel these. I should’ve known better as it was not the last. Reminding myself that it was the reason I am here in the first place..

  
  


**_Ding_ **

_[Notification: Ant.Rod has followed you]_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't forget to leave kudos and comments! What do you guys think so far? :3 The Rohnny angst and the confliction to the group? 
> 
> to be honest, I was definitely playing "Wishful thinking" by Benee to add the feels. its a great song!


	6. Dead to Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Teej, that's the definition of Buffy telling me you’re a no zone and here we are.”

**3:00 pm**

**Tj**

**“Pleeease, pleaaaase-”**

“N o.” Both me and Jonah responded in irritation by Marty constant pleading, almost for the past 10 minutes which feels like forever.. Quite dramatic, because what he's pleading about is watching him dragging a giant 6ft tall stuffed teddy bear that Buffy happened to get for him. At first it was funny to the both of us to watch him drag it around the halls, squeezing it through the homeroom.. Entertaining to see a couple so incredibly competitive in everything. Even seeing him stand side by side with it, in the gym itself is hilarious.

“I need you guys though! Tj- I always come along with you, when it has something to do with Cyrus. You don’t see me backing out. Bros never back out!!” Marty pouted as he crossed his arms, trying to convince me otherwise. I smirked, shaking my head, “lol, yeah on things that make sense, with no harm.”

“Mine make sense! And no harm was done!” 

“we literally go bankrupt!! My bank had to call me!”

“Yeah! A day ago, we went to buy her chocolate with you, you said a few!” Jonah blurted, while Marty turned a blind eye on us. “And it was-”

“No it wasn’t, 980 is **NOT** a few, we lost almost 90% of my cash, most of it was from my credit!” He retorted, and to our agreement. I excused myself from Marty's plan, “Yeah, and beside I can’t after. I got a movie date with Cyrus- and I also promised him I wouldn’t go poor.” 

From my response Marty sighed but glimmered of hope in his eyes as he turned to Jonah who quickly rejected,“Yeah.. I promised me, myself and I to fucking never.” He said simply.

“Awwwe come on!!” Marty whined. 

“Marty, you really need to chill on this. This is like- an addiction” He tries to tone him down, who finally gives in “Yeah.. okay fine! maybe I did go overboard- but! BUT on the bright side, I’m definitely winning.” He grinned so proudly with his romantic ambition.

Jonah groaned in irritation, “Martin- dude, I’m this close on throwing hands at you.”

“..You’re finger are touching though-”

“ **E X A C T L Y** ”, he snapped, I tried not to laugh when I witnessed Jonah about to throw hands at him, I became distracted immediately when seeing the familiar cute rich brown eyes, and his adoring grin. 

“Teej, hey!” Cyrus smiled so lovingly at me, walking into the gym along with both Andi and Buffy. I smiled back, excited to see him as I reached out to hug him, over the years he has grown a bit (well a lot), yet it satisfies me that he is still small. Being so small in my arms, never gets old to me. He is just so cute, “Hey, Muffin..” I let out a breathy response as I found him so endearing, leaning in to plant a kiss on his forehead. 

“I hope we’re not too late? I got stuff going on for my clubs..” He apologized shyly, watching him amused as I smiled widely, “Muffin, it's fine.. It isn’t much today anyway- it's just 2nd tryouts. Not much to miss.” 

“Except me- I miss you.” I quickly added dramatically, “I was miserable without you, felt like forever.”. I watched him turn red, but grinned widely back at my pouts as he leaned in for a quick kiss. Happily kissing him back, holding him very close. Even kissing him never gets old, feeling like I’m melting every time. 

  
  


“Ugh, even after middle school you two are still naturally gross cute.” Buffy admitted teasingly, “I thought puppy love ends in a week- you two **are** the puppy love.” I rolled my eyes at her, slightly bothered knowing our kisses are interrupted but it's hard to admit it myself that she's right. I couldn’t get enough of Cyrus, I would die without a day of him around and Buffy would give me shit for it. My teammates would give me shit for it, but I can’t help it! It's Cyrus for damn sake, he's so irresistible. 

“Hey where's Amber? Isn’t today her day off..? Usually she is.. With us.” Andi was completely puzzled, looking around.. I blinked at her hesitantly, “Oh Amber..? She didn’t tell you-”

“Tell me what??” She looked at me, frowning.

“She's on a date actually, with Iris.” 

“Iris..?” She was taken back by the mention of her name, laughing it off as if it was a joke, “But they’re friends, best friends.. Right?” She asked twiced, and this time her tone and expression was unreadable. 

“They’re both trying something new.” I noted. 

“Oh.. right.” She said uncertainty before shaking her head as she smiled, “Cool, I’m happy for her..” I frowned at her, I could tell she was not okay but I didn’t know how to bring it up. Something was off, but I decided to let it be. Feeling a short tug from Cyrus, I glanced down at him in confusion.

“Johnny, seems to be having fun.” He motioned at the teen who happened to go by through the tryouts like it was nothing. I watched amused, and slightly impressed “Yeah.. kind of jealous, it's like he's just-”

“Naturally good, Quick? Yeah, your couch seems impressed.” He commented. Clearly Cyrus wasn’t kidding when he mentioned he was fast, and exactly he was. When being timed on his runs and his level of skills throughout the try out was always two steps ahead of others. Even my couch and my teammates would catch their full attention on him, and be completely impressed. Obvious that Johnny himself is well aware that they are, he was arrogant and overconfident in his skills. It seems I was impressed, not entirely though. “Speaking of Johnny.. I have a favor to ask you, and I think it’s more best with you than anyone” He added at the end sheepishly, yet pleading. 

I narrowed my eyes at him, but softened. Jokingly admit, “I mean, anything for you. You technically had me at ‘sp-’.” He blushed as he smiled in relief, yet nervous “It's about the Reed situation..” 

“I thought.. We went over that already?” I narrowed my eyes, not completely getting it, “And besides he seems fine, he said it himself. He won’t talk to him, they're not even close.”

“I don’t know about that..” He pursed his lips together, waving at him casually as Johnny happily waved back. heavily sighing, “I came to the conclusion that Johnny didn’t join the Theater techies just because he wanted to. I mean we saw how he acted about how he hated ballet, clearly an inner toxic masculinity trauma. Yet he joined anyway?”

“Meaning..??”

“Meaning, that it's much deeper than that. That he possibly joined because of **Reed** , that this is like.. When Andi joined Ultimate Frisbee when she didn’t even like frisbee but she did it because she was crushing on Jonah kind of thing.” He explained, as he narrowed down his evidence, “He was looking at him, at Reed. The way he looked at him, during lunch? I know that look- he's pining over him. I know one to take one..” He added at the end, which is a hint of flirtatiousness as he admits to be pining over me. He continued indicating, “He clearly **likes** him.”

To my enjoyment I try not to gush over that he admits pining over me, clearing my throat, “Well even if he did.. Or he does. He knows now that Reed is not a good guy, because we told him about it. He’ll get the idea that he's a no zone.” I said casually. 

I watched the shorter boy arched his brow, unamused as he crossed his arm, “Teej, that's the definition of Buffy telling me you’re a no zone and here we are.” He suggested between him and I, which was an unfortunately fair point.. Not very proud to remember I was a big douche bag to Buffy, in the most horrible way and she never wanted Cyrus to be with me.. And yet here we are. “Well- we should trust Johnny. We can’t assume he’ll do that to us.”

He couldn’t help but laugh nervously, “Me not trust Johnny? No, I definitely trust him.. I just don’t trust Reed.” Pointing out the obvious, “Take it from you and me. I never approached you, in fact I never initiated to talk to you when we met, because of Buffy. I trusted Buffy's judgement and she did with me. I was surprised you even talked to me in the first place.” 

“I mean.” I smiled a bit in pride, “yeah, how could I not approach you, I like you. You were cool, and I just wanted to talk to you first.. Spend as much time as I can with you then.” I blushed a bit, smiling to myself thinking back, “I was like gravitated to you, I wanted to be friends with you- then I ended up liking you so much more..” I paused for a moment, came to realize what Cyrus was trying to tell me. 

“Yeah.. get what I’m saying here..?” He asked softly, as I slowly nodded. “Yeah.. You think Reed would approach him. Which is more likely since they have theater together, and because Johnny likes him would draw them a lot closer..”

“Exactly- which is again I need a favor.” He clarified shyly, “You two are quite similar. I mean a lot more actually.. Which took my observation to know, he likes basketball- he's an elite in sport. You’re both very athletic..” Motioning at Johnny, “ And maybe due to common ground on _areas_.. You probably impact him more.” Looking at me pleading, “Is it okay with you?” 

I was slightly taken back, of course I was okay with it! Cyrus has every right to still be hung up on it, I fucking hate math but if i calculate this correctly it is a high chance that Reed is good at being good. He's charming, he was an asshole but charming. Remembering that he was the type to be arrogant and wanting to rule the halls back in Jefferson, did whatever he wanted because he didn’t care and he had money.. I was stupid enough to even be friends with that kind of guy, he was the type to cause trouble all the time. He was the reason himself that got me and Lester in a bad situation when he wanted to spray paints stupid shit on places where it shouldn’t be... He always causes attention to himself because he likes it. I shrugged it off, because I myself was kind of into that. Doing stupid and fun things- not caring about it. Yet, after meeting Cyrus alone.. Buffy, Andi- even Marty and Jonah- I can’t. I couldn’t, it was so stupid! Then the gun.. that bothered me. 

_“Hey Teej, want to try it out?”_ Remembering when he pointed the gun pinpointed- I freaked out. He was an idiot, and careless, part of me was mad that he showed that to Cyrus putting him into danger. So mad that he thought it was a good idea to bring a gun in general, “ _Reed, why the hell did you bring that!? Put that away, This isn’t funny-!!”_

_“Chill dude.. It’s just for the watermelon, why are you freaking out?”_ The thought of it makes me angry, he acted like it was nothing. 

_“I’m freaking out because you brought a gun!!!”._ It was the first time I snapped at him, I was frustrated and done with it. Lester did nothing, guilty as he himself knew.. as always- unbelievable I even stayed with them this long. Remembering it was actually the first time we ever argued, seeing him so angry and frustrated back, not seeing the issue, “ _You’re acting like I’m some kind of shooter, I’m not! You’re making a big deal over nothing!”_

“ _I’m done with this, all of it.”_ Was the last thing I ever said to him. 

“I’ll talk to him.” I promised Cyrus, smiling softly. The thought of how careless he is, overflowed concern for Johnny.. Watching my boyfriend grinned in relief, then in such an opportunity hearing the Coach calling for me and my teammates to go over and see if the tryouts can show off their skills against us. I took my chance to go head to head with him. 

Jogging my way to him, smirking as it was about to start. Waiting for the tune of the whistle, with my turn with the ball, I narrowed my eyes at Johnny. “You’re good, Chen.” I compliment him. 

He smirked back, shrugging like it was nothing, “I’m always good, Kippens. I can get by this in a flash.” There was fire in his eyes, full ambition as he talked to me with a sweet tone, “I’ll be easy on you of course. Don’t want to embarrass you in front of your teammates.”

I scoffed at his ego, as I took that as a challenge, “Yeah? I hope you live up that name of yours, cause I’m still not that impressed. **Yet.** ” I remarked, and by the sound of the whistle the tryouts became a real game.

  
  


Okay, I refuse to admit but he's **really** good. It didn’t hit me that he was good, but luckily I managed to win by one point. Even passing it to my teammates, he made it very difficult. He was quick on his feet, managed to snatch the ball so easily and that built more into his arrogance to my annoyance. Almost frustrated, Which his cheeky grin, sweating and breathless knowing it took a lot out of him yet he enjoyed my teammates suffering. Clearly enjoyed that my couch is completely interested in his skills. When passing the ball to Marty, he himself was reacting the same as me once Johnny managed to snatch it from him.

“Marty!!” I frowned at him as he dramatically shrugged, “Look, man. I didn’t even hear him coming!” From that Johnny laughed as it was hilarious, and was dancing as if it was a victory, and by the end of the tryouts.. Everyone was taking a break. I approached him once again who was still smirking, even though he lost by one point he knew he did a number on me. 

I clenched my jaw, while everyone was taking a minute of their breath. “Show off..” I confessed, indicating his skills, “Makes me want to really hate your gut.” I joked as I lightly handed him a bottle of water. 

He snickered as he accepted my offer, “What? Not used to a good challenge.” 

Rolling my eyes, “I never met anyone as that annoyingly good. Other than Buffy.. ”. He chuckled at the mention of her name knowingly that in agreement Buffy is **good.** “Your teammates in California must be bummed losing a good player like you.” I joked. 

As he took his time to stretch out his legs and arms, shrugging “Kind of.. Probably freaked out that their own Captain is leaving.” He admitted which brought further my attention. “You were, In Sophmore year???”

He nodded simply, unfazed at my surprise, “What can I say, I’m good.” I nodded, clearly seeing he was so. Clearing my throat, slowly bringing up the conversation “I can relate to that, You and I are a lot similar than you think..” Which peaked his interest yet confused.

“What do you mean..? You’re a Captain too?” 

I smiled as I shrugged, “Well back in middle school. Two years of it..” I confessed. 

“You were?” 

“What can I say, I’m also really good. Just like you I was fast, and the best” I admit proudly, heavily sighed to also admitting, “Also really terrible by personality.. Which I regret, I wasn’t much of a good captain. Especially to Buffy- I tried to make her life miserable just because she was good. Basketball was everything to me, and it was all I could focus, I wanted to be the best of the best.. I thought that's all I should be- had a lot of shit going on.”

“If I wasn’t good at Basketball then what am I? Nothing.. That's what I thought back then” I explained, “I was terrible in math, thought I was stupid.. Really stupid, which is actually I Dyscalculia- knowing now I’m not really stupid.. But back then I was insecure- not forgetting I was gay. In the closet and at the time I wanted to fit in and take it out on her, all of it. I was the type of a guy to even bully someone..” I shrugged in guilt, “I believed I shouldn’t be this certain way, that I should be straight and drown down my feelings. Nothing good would come to me, I was ashamed of myself and what people think of me. Then..” 

Smiling to myself the thought of Cyrus, “Then I met Cyrus.. I really like him- he was a really good guy. At first I didn’t know why I was interested in him. But he was sweet, funny and just a good person.. I like him because he never judged me, and made me accept the things I thought were bad. I became much happier to be with someone as good as him. We managed to do well- we even came out near the end of freshman year and all the bad outcomes I thought turned out great.” 

Johnny was silent for a brief moment, processing what I've said, “Okay.. really cute and very romantic.” He pointed out, but as supportive he is, he was also puzzled, “Very happy for you two- but.. How does this have to do with me?” His obliviousness struck me, I struggled to find a better word to indicate what he was clearly going through. Either he's oblivious or just denial. Hesitant, biting my lower lip sheepishly. 

“Reed..” Bringing up his name the expression in his face shifted drastically. His eyes widen, peering his eyes away from me to avoid eye contact- running his hand through his hair- scoffing at his name upbringing.

“Dude, what the fuck. I thought we’re done talking about this.” He said in a biting tone, clenching his jaw as he was agitated. “Why are you telling me this- I told you I wont bother with him..” For a short pause as he slowly catches on from my middle school love story, to realize what I’m indicating. He glared at me, baffled “You think I.. with Reed? The fuck no-”

“No- it's not like that!” I try to explain myself.. Actually it is like that, but knowing his reaction I didn’t want to push his button. It's something I don’t know how to handle, I might make it worse. Trying to calm down the situation, “I’m saying that- making a friend. You should make a friend with someone who's a generally good person.”

Annoyed by it, “TJ.. I won’t-”

“In case he approaches you, I trust you.. just not him.” I warned him again, he was clearly annoyed still. I know this is bothering him that I’m saying this to which I could definitely understand.. But I had to be sure, before he said anything back- “He had a gun.. Back in middle school? He brought a gun, almost put me and Cyrus in danger. Reed is the type of guy who doesn’t give two shits but himself.” I stated. “I’m just trying to help..”.

He was startled, bewildered by that information. As expected he was silent, it isn’t much to say to that to which I could understand. He was clearly hesitant, letting that sinks in. His eyes softened, and he relaxed yet his expression slowly scrunched up. I assumed that this probably hit him in realization that he's a no zone.

“Alright, boys! Hit the showers.” My coach finally announced. 

Watching Johnny break out of his thoughts, to finally respond “I promise.. I won’t talk to him. At all- ever. Honest.” He promised in genuine and to my appreciation I felt less concerned. More relief at least. Watching him leave to the lockers to change along with the rest my teammates. I was about to follow along, until feeling Marty grasp my arm silently to my confusion. 

“Marty-”

“Bro, He’s here..” He lowered his voice as if it's top secret. I didn’t get it, until I followed his gaze. Speaking of the devil.. 

Reed. Fucking. Wilson.

I frowned, he was on the other side of the exit. Peeking through the door as if he's looking for someone, hoping for something. I was completely bothered that he's even here. The anger boiled inside me, to realize knowing who he’s here for and I’m definitely not letting that happen. Not letting Johnny's life be drained out by **him**. Immediately I made my way to him, his eyes locked with mine by the time I reached him. Arching his brow as if he's so confuse at me, “Uh hey-” 

I cut him off as I grasped his jacket, to roughly drag him away from the gym. I shoved him against the wall, glaring at him as he was completely startled yet smirking like it was funny to him. Manage to let go of my grasp as he adjusts himself, “You know Kippens, I always wonder if we ever talked again. Didn’t expect this dramatic in you.” He remarked, as he was annoyed. “And you brought your henchman, Marly. Pleasure to meet you.” 

Marty beside me glared at him, “it's Marty..” He muttered, causing Reed to shrug carelessly, “That's what I said.”

“I want you to leave him alone.” I said bluntly, “ he doesn’t need you leeching around him.. Any more than you already did.” Reed narrowed his eyes at me, as if he was completely oblivious. 

“Who are you talking about exactly..?” 

I made a face, irritated by his existence already, not surprised by it “ You know who I’m talking about, don’t play stupid with me.” It was his turn to be annoyed, and frustrated as it was clearly not getting to him, “Yeah, I happen to talk to a lot of people.. you got to specify it more.” He said sarcastically. 

“Johnny, asshole. He's talking about Johnny.” Marty clarified, and just like that Reed expressions soften. Looking between Marty and I, it clearly caught his attention. “How do you two know Johnny..?”

“It doesn’t matter.” I refused to explain why or how I knew him to Reed of all people. Cocking my head at him, smiling bitterly, “ What matters is that you stay the fuck out of his life, before I make you.” I promised him. He looked at me with his icy blue eyes, processing to say or what to say. 

“Look I know I did some stupid shit, but.. I’m not going to hurt him- I’m not a bad guy you make me to be-” 

“You brought a gun. Doesn’t that clarify what you are already? You were always a terrible person before and you still are now.” I commented, hilarious to watch him trying to excuse himself was bullshit to me. “Even Lester moved because of what you did!” 

He then glared at me, taken back and with his eyes became as cold as ever. Leaning in forward, not bothered by my words. “You know.. I admit what I did was unforgivable, and it’ll follow me forever.. I get it.” Shrugging as he smiled down at the floor bitterly, shaking his head as he stabbed his finger at my chest with his tone slowly became venomness.

“but you??”. To finally look at me, with complete hurt in his expression. “out of all of the people who would judge me just on that. I never thought it would be you.” He admitted. 

I looked at him, for a brief moment a part of me was hurt, that he said that.. All the bitterness and anger went away, thinking deeply from those words. He began to walk away, frowning to myself as I just stood there. Was I overthinking this..? He was bad, of course he's a bad person! But.. what he said.. Was it always all bad? 

_“Ms. Pepper..”_ Remembering how shy I was in first grade, hesitant and feeling different- not enough. How my mom and dad always constantly argued non stop, about almost everything. Causing my dad to be gone from home for days because they argued so much. I was embarrassed, looked down on because throughout my childhood I was not able to afford anything. Shoes were shit, my clothes were run downs- I couldn’t even have simple things! Like Crayons. Sitting in the homeroom, remembering how shy I was, I couldn’t even get my teacher attention.. It was silly, but I felt completely alone because no one even wanted to share with me just because..

_“Here you can have mine.”_ I remembered that was the first time I met him. He was unbothered, with his toothy grin, holding out his stacks of crayons. I was almost convinced he could’ve bought the store itself with that many. Even then he was well known, he was popular because he had so many things that other kids wanted, to even wanted to hang out with him just because.. Which is why I was confused. Completely confused to see a guy like him talking to me. He knew who I was and how I was.

“ _Why..?_ ” Was all I could simply say, and his words I could forever remember. It made me remember why I became friends with him in the first place. 

_“Why wouldn’t I.”_

“Teej?’ Breaking from my thoughts, seeing Marty completely concerned to which I assured him I was fine. Hesitantly said I was fine. Clearing my throat as I try to act fine, changing the subject “We should go- the others.. Are probably waiting for us..” Leaving as it is.

  
  


**5:15 pm**

**Johnny**

“I can’t believe he took you two out.” 

Hearing Buffy teasing both Tj and Marty who both were clearly in denial. “Pfft, we let him off easy.” Marty denied, but I snorted as I picked on my milkshake at the Spoons. Shrugging lightly to his attention, “Yeah keep telling yourself that,” I mocked at him 

To his hurt he turns to Tj for defense, however Tj reluctantly admit. “He did a number on us dude..”. Buffy laughed in enjoyment at their suffering, before turning to me as a challenge, “Next time, you and me. Lets go.”

I snickered at Buffy being competitive as always. “Ight, Bet.” She beamed in excitement, Andi and Cyrus witnessed the battle between her and I-trying not to laugh. He noted “Oh dear.. This is going to be very destructive between you two.. I can just feel it.” 

“Why is there a 6ft tall stuffed bear in here…???” Hearing one of the waitresses in confusion, standing head to head at the stuff bear squeezed in the corner of the diner. I was as surprised as her to be honest, when Andi mentioned that both Buffy and Marty are competitive in everything. That's a clear proof.. It took so much space in the diner I'm surprised the owners are completely chill by this. It implied how they are used to this.. 

I looked between Buffy and defeated Marty, “I’m impressed you even went all out to get that.. It terrifies me actually..” 

Clearly that was a compliment to her side, crossing her arms as she looked at her boyfriend as she was mocking him. “Yeah, I’m definitely winning.” She said with a sweet tone, causing the boy to blush, Trying not to smile yet taking it seriously as if his life depends on it. 

“You keep thinking that Driscoll.” Then turning to Jonah and TJ, pleadingly- who both quickly reject him as Buffy laughed while Marty is clearly cornered. He whined, “Guys come on!! Please come with me!” 

The others laughed amusing at his defeat.. Obviously Tj and Jonah are not about it. I was more surprised when Jonah brought up how much bankruptcy the three went through that even the Bank is worried about their well being. I tried not to laugh as it was endearing, after a moment of laughter it suddenly became quiet at the table. 

To my confusion as they all were looking at someone who was clearly behind me- they seem surprised and smiling.. Turning around I ended up smiling too, to see the familiar brunette, and rosey pink cheeks.

“Alissa.. hey.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't forget to leave kudos, and comments! I hope you enjoy this chapter cause personally it was really fun writing this out :3 
> 
> One good song I was listening to while writing this is "Dead to me by Kali uchis"


	7. Let me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I miss you.."
> 
> “I.. miss you too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> song inspiration to the chapter, "let me" by Hojean.

**5: 15 pm**

**Johnny**

**“I didn’t know you were here.”**

She was delighted, smiling as she tuck her curled hair behind her ears revealing her signature red roses earrings. Surprised to see me as I was to her suddenly, “Uh yeah.. We go here all the time..” Suggesting to the others who're more surprised than I am, to my confusion, “Just not this late, we actually got out of basketball tryouts.” I explained. 

She became curious, “Basketball- I can definitely see that..” She confirmed, then softly suggesting to her friends who I recognized at the theater auditorium, are a few tables away from us, “Well we’re usually late here.. probably make sense that we never saw each other that much.” She joked lightly as she shrugged, “What a coincidence, huh?”

I smiled back, chuckled at her and responded shrugging, “Well we’re here now.. Maybe its fate. Universe probably telling us something.” I joked lightly. 

Her eyes glimmered, as her smile never went away and giggled at my response. Biting her lower lip quietly, face redden slightly while nodding as she beamed interest. “Maybe it is..” Clearing her throat as she began to dismiss herself, “Well is good to see you, Mr. Chen” She said my last name in the same old dramaticness, to which in my enjoyment I did the same. 

“And I to you too, Ms. Tran.” I salute her, and by the time she leaves the sound of gasping and laughter startles me. 

“Oh god.. Johnny clearly got in her radar.” Buffy snorted, as Andi completely seemed to know it also. Rolling her eyes as she crossed her arms, pestering “Yeah, and her voice got higher.. Did y'all notice that?” She pointed out to them. The others nodded along, mostly Both Buffy and Cyrus, who seemed to have paid a more exasperating reaction, agreed without hesitation. 

Puzzled as I was, I tried to go along with them, “What? Did I miss something?”. Then suddenly I was being looked at as if I should know something.. Which I really don’t. 

“Alissa is top tier popular. She does all theater plays and does most main roles. Everyone knows Alissa Noelle Tran, has a ton of followers, and she is pretty pretty.. ” Andi admits with slight envy, shaking her head, “Although Surprisingly really nice which is a cherry topping to a cake. Also the only time she really approaches us is for Cyrus because you know theater. Yet she kind of just greeted you alone.” 

I blinked, trying to process the information. Not surprised that she’s popular, she's really nice and very enjoyable to talk to. Pretty is definitely noted, yet I don’t understand nor connect the big deal of her greeting me alone. “Okay..? She probably did that because I’m new, and we’re kind of friends. I don’t really see the point you’re saying here.” I excused it. 

I watched Buffy groan in frustration, amused by my lack of understanding yet didn’t seem surprised “Geez, you’re such a guy.. Johnny, Alissa **likes** you. Definitely not in a friend kind of way”. She clarified, while motioning at Alissa who was giggling with her friends.

“How can you tell..?” I was hesitant to believe it. 

“Definitely.. Can tell.. “ Cyrus confirmed, as he posture himself as if he was a lawyer laying out the pure evidence. “As a child of shrinks parents who are notoriously all psychologists, I can confirm this. She openly tucked her hair behind the ears, it's an expression of flirtatious and open interest.”

Baffled yet not aware of that information. I try to laugh it off as that sounds cliché, “You got all that.. From her parting her hair..?”. 

Clearly it was dead serious, nodding at me with full confidence. “Girls who part or do any signal change with their hair can tell a lot. Buffy is a great example-” Buffy choked on air by the mention of her name, widened her eyes to shush him but he continued on openly, “ she always swirled her hair when she's talking to someone she likes romantically. She did that with Marty the first time they dated.”

I widen my eyes to find that interesting and funny to think of Buffy to do that kind of thing. Looking at her as she was redden with embarrassment, which is proof that it's true. “Wow, seriously?” I try not to laugh as she whines. “Cyrus, too much information!”

Marty on the other hand was staring at her arrogantly yet full of fondness to realize it, “You did? That all makes sense now- I thought you were fidgeting your hair or something.” He said jokingly at the end. She made a face, stuffing baby tators in his mouth to shut him up. 

I try not to laugh as this was clearly entertaining, Andi who then quickly changed the subject back on to me, “So what are you going to do?”. 

“Do what?” 

“Well you know she likes you.” She noted to my knowledge, to slowly specify on the matter, “ and obviously you shouldn’t lead her on. Take it from him - don’t pull a jonah.”

Jonah gawked in offense to that, but then openly gave in as it was true. Awkwardly laugh, assuring me, “Yeah don’t pull a me. It’ll be stressful.. Just tell her honestly that you don’t like her.” He advised. The group snickered, mentioning about him managing to switch partners faster than square dancers within a month back in middle school. Watching them laughing about it, joking around .. but the thought about Alissa sinks in my mind..

“But I do like her.” 

The moment I spoke, it cut through like a shock to them. Immediately silent as the expressions were mixed with confusion and surprised. Cyrus was the one who managed to say something, taken back by me, “What do you mean..?” 

I shyly try to act un phased by it, biting the gum of my cheek anxious. Yeah, what do I mean..? I thought to myself as to why I even said that. Heavily thought of Reed, how his adoring eyes were as beautiful as the sky, smiles that's, warmer than the sun itself.. I hated it, I wanted to hate him. He’s in my mind like an alarm clock. One minute I’m fine, yet my bitter yearning for his touch screams for it. I let my heart get the best of me, swallowing down to bury it away. I hesitantly looked back at Alissa, with her smile to be charming and so affectionate, and her eyes to be openly warm like a hug. Definitely like a hug, Parting with her velvet turtleneck top and skirt.. She was beautiful, very beautiful. I can see that, not to forget she was kind as mentioned before which is a relief. I can get along with her just fine! 

**Maybe this could fix me.**

Never in my life have I been with a girl romantically, kissed and to further more. Perhaps.. Perhaps I haven’t looked hard enough! Or find the right one, and she likes me. I like being around her, this could work. We can work, and all these foolish feelings for a boy will be nothing. Will all be a hoax tale to me, to be complete nothing. She then glanced at me, smiling as she waved shortly.. Waving back shyly, “She's cool. Really cool.” I confessed, turning to them who were clearly surprised by my open response. “ do you guys think I have a chance?” I asked with hopefulness. 

They all glanced at each other, not knowing what to say but seemingly saying a lot by a glance. TJ whom to be more baffled, “I mean I guess- are you sure?” He blurted. 

Am I sure..? Putting confidence into my own response, scoffing at his question, “Yeah, why wouldn’t I?”. Watching Tj and Cyus look at each other bothered me greatly. Is it that unbelievable that I like her, feeling the pitting regret and bitterness in my stomach. 

“You should go for it.” Andi who is openly endorsing it, smiling without a doubt. “You’re a great guy, I’m sure she’ll say yes anyway.” She complimented, looking at the others for complete support and understanding. 

Buffy gave a soft smile, with open encouragement, “You’re disgustingly cool, and a jock. That's probably a check mark on her list.” Joked at the end for humor, to which I cracked a small smile. “Geez.. thanks I guess.” I mumbled, but still smiling. The others admitted joking along with her, and giving me encouragement. It was nice to hear it, but my words fail to match my feelings.. 

  
  


**Thursday, 9:00 AM**

“Ugh.. theater is weird.”

I rolled my eyes at Kira’s disinterested response, watching her stand by the near corner playing with her hair as if that's her only entertainment. “Kira, if you really don’t like Theater, why the hell did you even volunteer in the first place??”. 

She made a face, retorting , “And what? So you can have a ticket of freedom to not be in that tortuous class with Ms. Servando essays- No way.” Crossing her arms, guarded as if she has escaped prison itself. Although she may ridicule me on my writing skills, she's no better either. She's so much slower paced when it comes to reading and essays. English is technically our enemy. She then coughs to an awkward response, to which I never thought I’ll hear from her mouth, “Besides.. If I didn’t volunteer.. Whose writing can I make fun of to make me feel better??”. She mumbled softly. 

I was completely taken back, Kira Anderson usually says something snarky when it comes to my writing existence. “Going soft on me, Anderson?” I teased her, as in response she sneered at me. “Gross, Chen. Never.” 

Yet her response was simply, “You’re the one who talks to me anyway..” 

I tried not to smile at her end. As much as she really woke up and chose violence with me every day during English.. I try not to admit, I happen to be enjoying her irritating company and remarks at some levels. To which- by the way, keep me on my feet every morning to think of something to rebuttal back. I softened at her words, jokingly made a face in disgust back at her, “Oh this is getting weird- who's this and what happened to the real Kira Anderson???” I mocked. 

She was offended, but not surprised at the same time. Cracked a genuine smile, shaking her head as her genuine curled into a challenging stance. Adjusting her windbreaker cuffs, ‘Keep talking like that, people will soon wonder what happened to Johnny Chen-”

“I see that you two are basically doing nothing.”

Kira’s biting words were interrupted by much worse, to both of our startled surprises to see Reed's girlfriend herself standing before us. She stood tall, with her reddish chestnut brown hair tied completely back in a messy bun, eyes glaring in such burning foe, along with her bronzing red lipstick. I didn’t know what to say, personally I was hesitant. To see her of all people, and her approach causes the atmosphere to feel heavy. 

“Although, I can’t say I’m not surprised..” Watching her smile to be strained at the both us. Kira glanced at me with the same wide _what the fuck_ ‘ confusion and insulted by her snyde statement.. Obviously Anderson didn’t take it lightly, “Excuse me.”.

Kristina completely ignored her response, her strained smile never went away which scares me slightly. “It's fine, because you two will be useful as of right **now.** ” 

“What?” Kira asked once again, and yet she continued to be ignored. 

“You two will be my makeup practice, and I need to make as many ideas for the face designs. Luckily there are two bare faces right here for me to use for a brainstorming.” She stated, suggesting very well at the both of us. Slowly I noticed behind her from across was Reed alone, still in that same blue denim jacket standing by the corner of the makeup room and occupied with his phone. I was still very much frozen, not knowing or able to say because it was **her** . Knowing who she is, and being alone with her would make me feel alot worse, the unbearability of where I stand.. And when **he's** there.. For my mistake of longing, he caught me looking at him-

“Actually I can’t.. I’m kind of occupied” I blurted, as both girls shifted their attention at me, Kira utterly thrown off guard knowing well enough I’m not doing anything. Giving me the _‘deadass leaving me with her??’_ glare. Since a minute ago we were both about to t-pose each other to the death, what I said right now was a complete lie. Kristina was also not buying it- not yet actually.

“Aye, can you get me some help? Needs some hands to lift this prop..” Out of luck, it was Leo who became my scapegoat. Walking by me in a hurry as he exchanged looks and just like that I accepted. “Yeah, occupied.” I simply respond with a relief of a smile. Kristina fortunately didn’t seem to care, other than knowing she still has Kira, whose expression is scrunched up at me since I literally saved myself. 

I watched my friend shaking her head furiously as she refused to be used, “N o, na uh.” She said simply, dismissing her. Yet, she continues to ignore her rejections. “I said now.” Kristina's tone was demanding, and it frustrated Kira further. 

Frowning, “First of all- why does it have to be me? Why don’t you use your fucking boyfriend or something. He's literally right there, doing nothing!” She blurted, noting at Reed. Feeling the sight between the two girls, by Kira's response and Kristina daring to stand. It was like seeing two stubborn boulders trying to push one of the other down.. 

“Okay fine. You rather hear it from Mr. Vo.” She said impatiently, and as bold to do so. Considering she went out her way and spoke to us in such confidence, to even threaten us without consequences. It was very well got what she wanted, as she walked away without even willing to hear Kira answer. 

Kira Anderson scowled at her own bitter defeat, “That bitch is pure evil.” She blurted in complete irritation and boiling anger, looking at me as she expressed how unbelievable it was. “And that's coming from me.” 

I smiled apologetically, very well in guilt on leaving her in the dark. Jestering, “Her evil? Maybe.. You? I can see that.” I noted her comment. She rolled her eyes, giving a small smile while heavily sighing she she left following Kristina's comments, “Wish me luck, I’ll see you on the other side..” 

Standing alone, watching Kira stood with them. Feeling Reed eyes still peering at me, and I can tell there's something he wanted to say but I didn’t want to hear it.

“Johnny? You coming?” Hearing Leo calling, from the other side and by the sound of his struggles. “And bring a person! This is a lot heavier than I thought..” He requested. I quickly responded back that I'll be there, while looking for another person. Turning on my heels, to see the familiar messy curled redhead walking right past me, mumbling down as he's anxiously counting his fingers that is completely covered in sponge bobs Band-Aids. 

“Gus, hey!” I said with an overly beamed tone, to his surprise he looked at me questionably. Smiling back with his braces flashing, “Hey-!!” Cutting him off as I grasped his knitted sweater dragging him across to Leo rescue. 

“Okay, brought help.” I simply greeted Leo, who was looking at an enormous size painting portrait. Shifting his attention as he was relieved that I came with an extra hand, but that smile dropped into horror as his eyes laid on Gus. 

“This isn’t help.. This is a liability.. Gus isn’t even a whole person.” The boy blurted in response. Gus eyes widened as he took it as an offense, I arched in amusement between them. 

“Hey, you can’t tell him what he can’t do.” I defended, smiling softly as I came to Gus' side, softly putting my arm over his shoulder in support. Shrugging at Leo's lack of disbelief, “And besides, I think he’ll be a great help! To me he's like the next best thing.” I compliment. 

The ginger stared at me with awed, grinning widely as he was flattered, “Really? Thanks!”

“Johnny, I appreciate your commitment but the next best thing would’ve been Reed.” The other boy stated bluntly. Watching Gus gasped while raising his hand up as he was further offended by his statement, “ Okay first of all ouch.”

Then his almond eyes quickly did a 180 turn at reed from across, admiring him completely “but yeah..” with a dreamy tone with a defeat agreement, “That man is unbelievably fit for no reason, best man here.” 

“Okay, now I’m offended.” Leo frowned as he dramatically gripped his own chest like he was shot. “I thought I was the best man here.” He seemingly quoted him.

Gus looked at him deadpanned, “Not anymore. He appreciates me unlike you.” 

He gasped as those words struck him, shaking his head in defense, “Gus, I appreciate you!” He assured as it caused Gus to arch his brow since Leo yet sheepishly dragged on, “..Just.. not with lifting- but I do appreciate you man!” He quickly added pleadingly. 

Gus made a face, heavily sighing as he simply looked at me., “Johnny, does he appreciate me?”. I stood baffled by the two, trying not to smile so badly and to be shocked by the outward comfortability of affection between the two boys. Going along.

“No, he does not. Which is not good, because considering what he said earlier..” I hummed to back up Gus' statement. 

I watched him smile widely satisfied by my agreement, glaring back at Leo dramatically. “See! I met Johnny within a day or two and even he treats me better.”

Leo gawked at him, bewildered, and unfolding the melodramatic before me. “I-” Stopping himself as he pouted like a puppy, “I don’t like talking about this Gus.” 

“We talked about this everyday, Leo.” He returned the same amount of dramatic energy, bantering as if they were an old marriage couple. Insisting of helping, Leo quickly refused as he turn to me,  
Nah- its cool beans. Two people is fine.” Watching him hurried as he went to lift the painting. 

To Gus stubbornness, “I’m going to help, and you can’t stop me.” He stated, hurriedly along with him. I looked back and forth at the both of them, at the sametime seeing them lift the portrait together. Both of them clearly share the same struggle by its weight. I was amused, slowly about making my way to help them- 

“No, no! Johnny don’t come over here...” Leo quickly advised, both of them slowly putting it down. “There might be a bigger problem actually..” He confessed, the two boys remain staring at the painting as if they come to a long realization. 

I narrowed my eyes at them, confused and wondering what's stopping them. To my surprise, they turned to face me finally as the full front was completely covered with wet paint. Looking back at the painting behind them, it was like a giant mass of puzzle is missing and they are now the pieces. Looking at me un bothered. I widen my eyes as I have completely lost words with them. 

“Leo.” I manage to say something, trying not to crack up. Processing the whole situation, “Why is the painting wet?”

“Yeah. Why is it wet, **Leo.** ” Gus quoted me, now looking at him with horror in his eyes. Watching Leo slowly smile widely like a defeated dead man. 

“Probably…. Because this isn’t the painting we were supposed to carry. It's that one actually.” All three of us turn to where he's mentioning about, seeing ridiculously an replica of the same wet painting, except it was dry. In dismay its the fucking **same** painting, I didn’t even realize it was there in the first place- 

“Huh. Wow.” I blurted, staring in disbelief it was even there. 

“Damn it, Leo! My mom made me this sweater!” 

“I know, she did mine too! I’m sorry!!” He whined in defense.

"How did you not know!?” Gus was completely alarmed.

“Look man- I didn’t know! I only have like.. two eyes!” He justified. Later hesitantly apologizing to me as they hurried off trying to wash off the paint. Key word trying, “We’ll be back!” He promised from afar dragging Gus away hand to hand. 

I chuckled, smiling greatly at the both of them, “Uh- don’t worry. I’ll be here.” I promised back. Watching them leave.. A bit of me was envious of how open they are with each other, especially how easily they talk affectionately. Sametime the feeling of cruelty for my needs, and once again I tried to ignore it deeply. Smiling to myself shyly as I was left alone..

“Hey, Locker Sadist.” 

My eyes widen, hearing those words, quiet and seek for my direct attention. Regretfully, it made my heart skip in excitement, because truthfully hearing his voice, so deep, almost breathless, it overtakes like an ocean itself. As beautiful, soothing and I could even drown myself into it, knowing it could also **kill** me. Feeling my nails seeping into my palms to the point of forming a deep red crest, swallowing down my own heart. 

“Hey..” I respond in such dullness, flashing a quick smile. He was hesitant, eyes remaining on me as if he **knew** , gazing at me and who ever thought blue eyes to be as cool as ice to slowly made me feel warm as fire..

“Are you avoiding me..?” Reed asked shyly, yet a hint of slight strain of humor. As if this was a joke, rather than for it to be true that I actually am.. 

“No.. I’m not. What makes you think that?” Clearing my throat as I disregard his concerns.

He stood, expression never changed as he found my casualness to be doubtful. He shrugged in bitter frustration, like he was trying to read a book that was once open, but is now locked forever.. Heavily sighing as he smiled in such irony, “Well it feels like you are honestly..”. He frowned deeply, stammering down at the floor as he tried to piece his words together. 

“I miss you..” He confessed quietly, it was enough to drag me down deep into the ocean.. The ocean I feared so much. Drowning and suffocating because of him, and it bothered me that he doesn’t even know that his words are doing so much already. I wonder if he was doing it on purpose, or he was oblivious of his own charm, yet that feels unlikely. 

“I.. I miss you too.” I choked out as I finally managed to breathe in the air he took from me. Feeling the air to be thin, yet still drowning. 

“Yeah?” He asked in pleading hope for my honest answer, in such yearning. Watching him swallow hard at his own words, as if my words are worth more to him. 

“Yeah..” I admit, “I’ve been busy.. Like really busy lately. It's nothing personal. It's fine now.” I explained as an excuse and reassurance. Although almost as blunt, as it didn’t affect me as much as it did to him. His eyes fluttered at me, remaining in tempt.. Even to say I miss him back, yet still.. Like it wasn’t enough to him. 

Nodding as he _understood_ to which he proposed, “ Well if that's the case. Let's hang out, after school.. There's this really cool bowling alley, open a few years ago and it's pretty close by actually.” He noted.

“I.. can’t.” I gently declined, lying through my teeth in avoidance, “Busy.” 

“I thought everything is good now..” He quoted me at the end, as he caught me through my lies and in return he was hurt to catch it, “Johnny..” He managed to say my name and I was bothered by it. Even though I lied.. why does it matter to him? Why is he hurt- I should be the one hurt! Why does my word matter so much to him, frowning to unable to bury down my cool-

“Shouldn’t you do that with your girlfriend or whatever??” I blurted in such bitterness in every word of it. That completely startled him. However this time the teen scoffed at me, I watched his shock slowly become almost as a mischievous sly smirk. To finally be able to crack open the book.. Taking the chance to take a step forward to close the space between us so daringly, “You’re Jealous..” 

_Badhum_

_Badhum_

Feeling my face grown hot, feeling my emotion ready to pour out completely like a volcano. Wanting to hate him, and deny every bit of it. Calling him delusional and that he’s a complete narcissist. To better insult him to admit that it's true, but just like volcanos they die quickly once they touch the ocean itself. “You’re playing a game on me...”. 

Arching his brow in such amusement, chuckled softly. Closer he becomes, “I love that you see that..”

“See what?” To sudden interruption, to see no other than Alissa Noelle Tran. Smiling like a sunflower, with curiosity to our conversation. Standing alongside Kristina, who narrowed her eyes at the both of us, “What's going on here?”.

Reed stood, his attention was still on me. Purposely drowning me, and it seems he knows it well enough, taking in a deep breath in hints of irritation of both of the girls' questions, actually more against them showing up now. To finally turn to them, with a _warm_ smile. “Nothing.” He said casually. 

I **hate** him. 

He was arrogant, devious as a devil itself. How quick he was able to say that to me, it bothered me that my heart still bleeds for him. I clenched my jaw, without thinking-

“Actually it's not nothing.” I stated, feeling petty and bitter will be the cause of my ending, but I continued on like a stubborn fool. “Reed..” Forcefully pat his shoulder in such playfulness, grinning without a doubt,“ was talking about me hanging out with you guys about some bowling alley.. I wasn’t sure to be honest.”

“We are?” His girlfriend was puzzled by that idea, unaware of it obviously. Looking at Reed in complete confusion of the plan, who was staring at me close. 

“Yeah. Apparently we are.” He said bluntly. 

I looked away from him, ignoring his visible content. I acted like it was nothing, as it **should** be. Its **fucking** nothing. Putting my focus on her, who’s undyingly pretty and someone I should be around with. She was a sunflower, that was perfect because it managed to live through the burning of my mixed emotion. My smile softens, “Is it.. Okay with you guys?” I asked both the girls but my eyes never left her. She looked at me with such warmth, and delight. 

Reeds girlfriend was confused and before she could say anything, Alissa beat her to it. “Yes!” She widened her eyes, face redden as cherry. Clearing her throat, “I mean.. Yeah definitely.- Is that cool ?” She quickly looked at her friend with such adoring pleading in her eyes. 

Kristina looked at her startled, then between her and I, she was able to catch on. Trying not to smile at her undyingly excitement, she leaned in. “Sure.. why not.” She said, causing Alissa to smile widely. I smiled back, unknowingly that this could **kill** me, as I felt the ocean's eyes become tense. Expression unreadable, but I know I struck him deeply and well aware of what I’m doing. 


	8. Get You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You're the only one who actually sees me.. Do I.. see you.."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter inspired by "Get you" by Daniel Ceasar!

**3;30 PM**

**Johnny**

“Damn it!” 

I whined in response, as once again I was unable to hit any of the ten pins, twice already. Growing competitive, and wanting the taste of winning I could even throw the bowling ball to bits personally. Hearing Alissa soft giggle at my failed attempts, who enjoyably managed to hit 10 right after me. 

I gawked, impressed by her completely. Embarrassedly admit, “..I really suck at this..”. Signing in defeat, She reassuringly placed her hand on my harm. “It's fine.. Not everyone is good.” Our eyes meet, seeing her brown eyes filled with such doting. I held in my breath, knowing well how she feels about me.

“Can you show me..?” I insisted shyly as I grabbed another bowling bowl. She blinked in surprise, trying to fight the urge to smile from me, seeing that I was completely in her hands. 

“Okay.. yeah.” She gives endearingly, adjusting herself as if her time has come which was very dramatic. I smiled wide at her devotion, letting her take the lead as she stood close behind me, feeling her body gently pressed against my back. So close I can smell the vibrant floral right off her. She then rested her hand on my shoulder as support, as the other touched slightly against my hand that's gripping the bowling bowl. Guiding me, hearing her soft breath close to my ears, “You just gotta put full confidence by the wrist..”. She initiated, sweet as honey by the tone. 

Gulping down my anxious feeling by her closeness, hearing my heartbeat immensely.. Yet, it was not the same as what I share with  **him.** Biting down my tongue to punish myself for thinking about him when I’m with her, closing my eyes furiously as I take a moment to take a deep breath. 

Trying to let go. 

“You did it!” 

Hearing Alissa completely thrilled, opening my eyes to hearing the sound of pins breaking down. I was shocked completely, turning to see her grinning with such flooding confidence for me, jumping in such ecstaticness. Completely celebrating for me, and to my enjoyment I cracked a smile widely. Blushing as I was flattered, “What can I say? I had a great teacher..” I compliment with a gentle low tone, hesitant but showing genuine interest to her pleasing. 

“Wow.. you two are really good together- at this i mean.” Kristina spoke up between us, clapping her hand to her support of my small success. Giving a small smile, arching her brow at Alissa overly excitement, who later cling onto her.

“Thanks.. I am the queen of bowling.” Alissa said proudly, as the two girls giggled and held each other in such closeness. I chuckled, yet interrupted when feeling the burning glare from Reed alone. This whole time, even during my shameful strikes I felt him watching me. He was sitting on the chair with such lack of interest in his surrounding, expression to be completely empty. Still very well hung onto what I did to him early, which explained his mood be tense. Luckily I keep my attention on the girls, talking to them in any topic keeps me distracted from him. The relief able to openly keep conversation with me made it feel better. 

“This place is really cool.. Really growing on me.” I complimented casually, quietly making my way to sit down closely by Alissa. She agreed, “Right? This is technically our hang out place, we go here all the time!”.

“Really?” I was surprised yet at the sametime I can understand. It's completely appealing to be here.

“It's also because it's the only place that doesn’t **hate** Reed.” Kristina pried in jokingly, in such a joke it took me off guard. What could she be implying? Watching her grinning at her boyfriend whose expression didn’t share the same humor. For the first time, he finally looked at her. 

“Can you not.” Such simple words came out cold, that could even cause such frostbite. He was glaring at her in such distaste, expressing discomfort by the very mention of it. I can tell he was exhausted by those words. She was taken back by him, completely confused by his reaction, “What..? It's just a joke.” She teased, poking his cheek and smiling to disregard him.

He was completely irritated. Slapping her hand away roughly, “ Do you fucking see me laughing.” He snapped, and this time she glared back at him. Her expression dropped, darkened as she was furitated. “Seriously? It never bothered you before.” She claimed.

I hesitantly, gazed over at Alissa, who looked back at me. Seeing in her eyes of awkward and timid shows this wasn’t the first time they had this type of conversation. “Maybe, I’m starting to finally realize how annoying you are.” He said bitterly. Her eyes widened at his snide comment, making a face as she was completely hurt.

“What is with you?  ,  Reed. Why are you being such an asshole!” She snapped back, and in return the boy gave her nothing. Just emptiness in his eyes and just like that. He simply shrugged like this was nothing but a void. Seeing her completely bothered, opening her mouth wanting to say something to him, I can tell she wanted to scream or slap him. It seemed that he knew right away, and yet he didn’t budge. Therefore, instead he watched his girlfriend stand up and storm off to the girls bathroom. 

Alissa watched her leave, shaken by the open situation. She sheepishly smiled, excusing she needed to go, of course I simply encouraged her to. Kristina was her friend, and she needed comfort.. But as I let Alissa leave to follow her, the pitting fear that I was left  **alone** with him..

Hearing the boy before me, stretching his limbs as if he's lifting off the undying weight the moment his girlfriend has left. “Guessing that didn’t go as planned on your end, huh?” He briefly commented on such mockery. Reluctant by him, I chose to not say anything. 

“You’re playing a game on me, aren’t you..” He managed to say outwardly. I couldn’t help but find it hysterical, “I love that you see that.” I remarked as I quoted him. 

“Reed, you have a girlfriend” I pointed it out to him, clear to remind the situation he's in, that he's putting  **me** into. Mentioning that, he was hesitant by that word. I expect him to give in and leave it be, yet what surprised me instead- 

“How did you know Tj?” He blurted. 

_ “He had a gun.. Back in middle school? He brought a gun, almost put me and Cyrus in danger. Reed is the type of guy who doesn’t give two shits but himself.”  _

__ Simply.. Remembering what Tj told me the day before. The expression of his was completely dark, in a thought of something Tj seemed to never want to relive, and I’m guessing it was worth ending their past relations. The history behind both boys, that I don’t know alot about but knowing well enough he put both Cyrus and him in danger. In short stories, I should trust Tj judgment.. 

“He's just.. someone I know.” 

He softened completely, perhaps more saddened by the mention of Tj Kippens. His eyes peered away from me, watching his expressions flooded with complete guilt and seething loathes. Except that piting look wasn’t toward anyone but seemingly to himself, “Well then I guess he told you right? About what I did..” He asked so shyly this time. Fidgeting at his own hand, picking on his own fingers.. I couldn’t help but feel bothered seeing him this way. Not able to respond, or even admit.. yet it seems like he already knew from my silence. Finally looked at me, “Do you.. Hate me too..?”

Stunned by his words, he breathed heavily as I watched the air suffocating him, to choke out the question of me hating him too. That word I couldn’t seem to feel good, as it buried in my mind while the teen became vulnerable. “It's fine.. I-I mean I’m used to it. I mean I get it.” He admitted as if it was funny. A sad funny joke to him, as he forced a smile that is so painful I could see it. 

_ “It's also because it's the only place that doesn’t _ **_hate_ ** _ Reed.”  _

Everything slowly clicked together, what she said repeated throughout that I began to acknowledge it further. “Reed..” I spoke softly toward him, watching him taking a deep breath as it was hard for him to even breath through the thoughts he's going through. 

“I wasn’t going to h-hurt anyone okay!” He blurted out, hearing his voice was shaking, “I would.. Never ever hurt Tj and Cyrus..” He explained nervously, a hint of plead as if he was searching for forgiveness. 

“I only brought it because I wanted to shoot these melons, which I saw on youtube! I stole the gun from my dad’s.. and I wanted to impress Cyrus at the time and- Tj had a mad crush on that guy!” He expressed with such a smile which was genuine for a split second. I can tell how much Tj mattered to him by the mention of that day, of Tj name. Bringing up how well he knew him and how he feels.. It was like seeing a friend thinking the best for them. 

“ I wanted to give a good impression, to be cool in front of him.. it was the first day I met Cyrus and I thought..” Watching his smile fall as such great memory became his faults, shut his eyes furiously to unbeared to see my expression, complete disgust with himself. “ I know.. I know that was stupid! I was fucking stupid- bringing that was bad and I didn’t think.. I didn’t think to care what it could do- or done. I should’ve known better-” His voice quivered into such hatred, like he wasn’t talking to me but talking to himself. Mirroring his middle school youth, wishing to yell at that little boy for bringing the gun. “I got in trouble.. And I deserve it you know..?”

“Because of me, I lost my  **best friend.”** He confessed in guilt. 

“Reed..” I manage to say, licking my lower lip as I try to put my words together. “You were stupid.. like Really stupid for bringing that.” I admit honestly, shyly smiling at him. “But you were a kid who wanted to shoot a fucking watermelon. A dumb kid, who do dumb things like that.. But you’re not a fuck up..” 

“It was something you did, and you didn’t know any better before, but you know now. No one should weigh that kind of blame on you.. A 13 year old kid . And clearly the adults in this town didn’t handle it well, your dad shouldn’t have left his gun around for a kid to access it so easily. Even when you stole it, that part a parent should’ve known better too.” I stated, Whether the gun is locked in a safe or put away.. Every parent would say they locked it safely, that no child could get it. Yet those are the same cases of many kids with gun incidents.. his dad should’ve never had that gun in the house in the first place. 

“You were a  **dumb** kid who made bad choices but you’re not a  **terrible** person…” I stated as I reassured him. 

“I don’t hate you.” My heart began to ache for him. As much as I try to ignore it, I couldn’t. “I can’t..” I admit, as our eyes meet. I can see this time, he was able to finally breathe without a struggle. As my words sinked in, like he needed it. Needed someone to say that to him to  **see** him, as just like that I felt as if the ocean became in ease. 

“Yeah..?” 

He asked quietly, a glimpse of sheer doubts yet wanting to hear it one more time. 

“Yeah..” 

I said heavily under my breath as I opened up to him, to be a step closer then away. Then He cracked a smile, surprised but with a smile I can tell he was relieved at the same time. Suddenly he stood up, walking away to my confusion. 

“Reed- what are you..?” Completely baffled by him, he turned to look at me. Being cheeky, as he narrowed his eyes as if I should know. “Come on, we’re going somewhere.” He announced with such confidence. 

“Now- but what about..?” Hesitantly motioning at the girls who are still in the bathroom, uncertain to just leave like this. However, Reed didn’t budge. Unbothered by it, shrugging as it's casual to him. 

“They’ll be fine.. They have each other.” He promised, watching him smirk deviously. “Come on, Locker Sadist..” 

I don’t understand why I said yes, or remembering agreeing to go along anyway. I just know my feet just move on itself, perhaps it's his power.. I’m starting to think Reed Wilson is becoming infectious to me. Began to make choices without a doubt, such as running off to the god damned woods with him. If It was anyone else, I would’ve slapped them silly and run away. Yet I just went, and this person.. 

“Welcome to my home!” 

He said with excitement, suggesting at the massive empty pool. With fences and broken locks, It was completely abandoned. Hasn’t been touched for decades. Seeing buckets of different shades of used blue paints splattered around the sides of the pool. It was breathtaking actually, seeing around the edges to be painted in many kinds of shapes and forms. Watching the teen hopped into the steep, looking at me with such smugness. 

“What do you think? Cool, right..” He said with pride. I smiled in agreement, while quietly taking my time to climb into the empty pool. “It's been abandoned since 1990.. No one has been here at all. I found it back in 6th grade, and turned it into my own private ‘art room’.” He said jokingly at the end.

“It's amazing..” I was astounded, but I wasn’t surprised. Trailing my fingertips against the dried painting, one in particular that catches my eyes. Two people tangled together, completely under water with complete yearning and lust. Staring at it, “You’re really amazing..” I admit as I couldn’t help but be intrigued. Smiling widely, to look at him.. He was staring at me with such awe and blushed by my compliment. 

“I’m actually.. The only reason I know Tj, is because I’m Andis cousin- uncle technically.” I confessed to him, smiling sheepishly to fully answer his question back at the Bowling Alley. He was surprised by that information, which is understandable. “I grew up with Andi, Cyrus and Buffy and as you already know.. I moved- now I’m here.. I only met the guy a week ago, he's more of Andis friend if anything..” 

“You know..” pursing my lips together as I dragged the tip of my shoes against the concrete, reminding him, “If they saw us here. They’ll definitely be pissed.. At me mostly, considering how much they basically forbid us to be around each other” I said jokingly. 

Considering the information that Reed is well aware of, he simply shrugged. “ Invisibility is my special skill.. It's a risk I’ll be willing to take to see you. We’ll pass notes in our locker.” He suggested ideally, grinning like an idiot by the thought of that. 

“That sounds cliche. And hectic” I laughed at that complete silly idea. 

“I begged the differ..” He hummed as slowly, by every word he speaks he took a step closer to me. Closing the gap between us, “But you know many people say.. ‘ Love can conquer all’.. So yeah forbidden but not forever..” 

“You think so?” I snorted at that odd tale, but truly I wanted to believe that. To be real. To be possible. Closer he is, I didn’t move as I let him. 

“If you'll have me..” His tone was low, quiet and grasping onto me. As if his words are touching me , holding my hand with such yearning. “You’re the only one who actually  **sees** me. Do I..  **see** you..”

I can tell by those words he was asking permission. To open a book that has been locked with no key, permission to my vulnerability. 

_ Badhum _

_ Badhum _

“Dance with me..” I blurted, hesitant but at this time I took a step closer to him. He watched me carefully as I did. “Now..?” He softly asked, without an answer to him, I gave him my hand and he took it. Gasping my hand in his. 

Slowly I began to hum, as I moved on the tip of my shoes, gradually the pool became my stage. the sound of gentle humming filled through the empty steep, swirling so quietly as I began to fly. Guiding reed in my hand as he held me in my leaps, the humming began to be carefree. 

“Have you ever heard of this kind of dance?” I asked between the hums, the teen chose not to say anything as he melted into my arms. Listening quietly to my humming. carelessly, yet he held me like I was delicate. My back against him, guiding him to hold me close to sway around as if the flower petals slowly began to bloom between the steps. "Balcony Pas de deux. Dance between two people.” 

Quietly pulled away, began to toed around him. Humming continuously, “ **The royal ballet,** they call it. One of Kenneth Macmillan’s 20th century ballet performances.. One of the best within the centuries.” I mentioned, as I smiled shyly, as gently pulling him close to me as he began to recognize the very performance. 

“It was used in the Romeo and Juliet balcony scene... The dance between the star cross lover..” He stated, grasping his hand close in mine, having them resting against my cheek. Completely full of warmth, and the scent of spring. My lip brushes against his pale skin, humming as I sway. 

  
  


“Fantasy Overture.” I announced as my humming began to end...“By Tchaikovky, Romeo and Juliet ever ending love..”

Breathless by me, he was silent. As if he was savoring the bits of this moment with me, and when he finally says, “ You don’t strike me as a ballet..” smirking yet genuine interest in it all.

“What do I strike you as..?” I joked, as he laughed softly but I watched him swallow his word deeply as he bit his lower lip shyly. “I don’t know.. You’re just full of surprises.” He admitted. 

“It's amazing.. You’re amazing.” He said in such fondness in his eyes, as slowly they lingered to my lip. Blushing lightly, of how close he is to me. His body against mine, feeling his hot breath that I began to lean in. Clearing my throat-

“You know, technically we’re under water..” I teased him lightly, and “Which means we can’t breath.. Bet I can hold out longer than you..” 

Taking in deep breath, holding it in after.. I watched him chuckle lightly as he did the same. Closer.. We were both not able to breathe, completely under water. Alone, him and I. All the suffocating, and emptiness within the deep end.. Letting myself fall deeply, knowing I was ‘suffocating’. 

Leaning in, I felt his lips on mine, his hand resting on the back of my neck to keep me close, holding onto me. I gently grasp over his risk, not wanting him to ever let go of me. As I was his, and he was min. To finally breathe between those kisses, to finally breath from underwater. Chilled down my spine, as his eyes, voice and touch made me feel that no other could. Not that I didn’t want to but it's the feeling I wanted it to be forever. The kiss I long for became sour as it remind me of my first-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys like the tensions and conflict between Rohnny! Took me a while to write this, please comment and leave a kudo! :))


	9. Another Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I can't

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title inspiration, "another love" by Tom Odell

**I remembered so vividly as I grasped him in my hands, how easily he made me feel complete** . That his touch was as warm as the summer itself, a warmth I will never forget nor did I want to let go. I remembered every part of him, the stench of iodoform his body seemed to lingered , along with the sweet taste of cherry jello, and feeling the freshen scar across his jaws. I love him as if he was the last of my kind..  When I was around him, I felt like I was no longer alone.. Kissing him made me think of the feeling of isolation in the pit of darkness and a locked door. Alone, and yet kissing him, he manages to waltz in like summer dreams, brighter like no other.  **Knew** me like no other. The feeling of pitted fear of losing him, my accepting vulnerability for him was my answer to keep him forever. Who would’ve thought that it became our very end.

_ “Eliot!!”  _

Hearing my birth name with such bitter venom, as that very kiss that made me feel safe and home became my regret and nightmare. Hearing him say my name in such a sickening tone, as even name became a sin because of who I am. The name that wasn’t said in such a long time since the death of my mom.. The name of who everything he hated me to be. Remembering the face of my dad standing by the door, with his eyes filled with rage and disgust. My father's presence caused the very walls to collapse on me, killing me slowly.  That feeling as I was afraid, unable to breath, wanting to say something yet the wall was too heavy.. Watching my father burning glare at  **him and I,** starting to feel my body begin to shake as I was timid, as if the warmth I let go I realized how cold the room became. In complete silence, yet the silence ran through the room like an earthquake to my end. Watching him slowly walk his way to us, and every step he takes I felt the wall begin to crush me further. 

_ “D-dad-” _

I remembered feeling the grip of my fathers hand on my wrist felt like a burning sensation, I almost thought it would leave a scar due to the pain I could never forget. Ripping me apart from  **him,** dragging me out of the room. Into the empty hallways, letting go of me as he stood furiated. He didn’t even want to look at me, as it was known to be a sin in his own belief. Shaking as I was, I was so afraid, I felt all my tears draining out of me. Without words, I cried because I didn’t know what to do.. That I became a sin he speaks so ill about. 

_ “Dad, it isn’t like that I-I swear, I’m s-so sorry.” _

I manage to choke out through my cries. Seeing him in such rage, he slammed his hand at the near wall as he was losing patients. I flinched at the sound of it echoing in the halls.

_ “Damn it, Eliot!!!”  _

He snapped in such spitting anger at me alone. Unable to breath, it's like all oxygen is gone. Like he's preventing me from breathing, like it was a punishment for my own doing.

“ _ I didn’t mean to, I-I promise to never do that ever again..”  _

Pleading to the upon fear of what he’ll do. The pitting fear I had, in between sobs that I could even choke in my own tears. Dying by fear itself. 

_ “Elliot, I care about you, but Hes fucking up your life! Why can’t you see that!? I work too hard to build your life together, I’m not letting it go to shit for some boy!” _

He blamed him, all of it. I watched his eyes from disgusted to complete shame, and disappointment. The way his eyes darted from him, his teeth gritted in such hatred as he found the main root of the problem..

_ “D-dad.. It isn’t like that- he is my best friend.. He didn’t do anything-” _

Yet my words barely made it through. My pleading was nothing to him,I remembered hearing that, I knew what he'd say. I just knew, I’ll sound like a fool admitting it then, yet still. I thought without him, I won’t live.

_ “You’re right, it won’t happen again because We’re going to start over. To start over everything!”  _

I thought of so many scenarios that came across my mind that day. What I've done to prevent any of this, all of it. It was my fault that I should’ve been careful, I should’ve made sure my dad had left in the plane so he wouldn’t have to walk upon us, maybe waited at least longer to be sure. Or perhaps I should’ve never kissed him at all, and that I should’ve buried these feelings alone.. Maybe it would’ve been better if I wasn’t the way I am, wishing I would’ve born a different person.  Because of who I am, and because I let myself feel the things I shouldn’t. Ruined everything I had, I never got to say goodbye to him. I left like we never exist, and perhaps it was better that way. This is what I wanted right? Be normal, have a girlfriend and live my life without struggle and hardship. Be in the MBA, and live the fullest in my dads dream. I accepted it, and I agree to this yet.. along the way I  **lost my best friend** , and such a fool I was. Letting myself be vulnerable, I’ll lose  **him** too.

“I-I can’t do this!” 

I blurted out of fear, pulling away from Reeds grasps. Pushing him away as if he was a disease. He was startled by me and concerned as he watched as all the color drained from my face, as if his kiss caused a sharp pain in my chest. Wanting to breathe but I was in pain, felt like I was dying. His eyes softened, worried as he reached out to touch me, as if he wanted to wrap me in his arms to bare the pain with me. Yet I flinched instead because I can’t.

“Johnny-” 

Without a word, or an excuse. I ran, ignoring the sound of him calling for me, pleading on what's going on. Pleading me to stay, but I couldn’t. 

I can’t..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I also made Instagram's edit on all these characters! :)  
> https://mackippens.tumblr.com/post/643888668730327040/show-chapter-archive 
> 
> https://mackippens.tumblr.com/post/643888986274873344/show-chapter-archive
> 
> Don't forget to kudos and comment!


	10. Find My way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I get you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title inspired by a song "Find My Way" by Khai Dreams

**_Friday, 6:00 am_ **

**Johnny**

**_“Elliot, I care about you, but Hes fucking up your life! Why can’t you see that!? I work too hard to build your life together, I’m not letting it go to shit for some boy!”_ **

Am I.. possibly mistaking any of this? Closeness to be romantic, I mean I could be. I could be confused, I could be in a phase?? But.. but The feeling I had with him was real, all of it and yet again it's wrong Is this wrong? Is any of this wrong, with what happened before and now?? 

_ “ You’re the only one who actually sees me. Do I.. see you..” _

the thought of Reed in my mind, his words is something I could never forget. The thought of how close he was, remembering his lips on mine. Holding me into his arms in a way- his hands grasping my face, kissing me..-

“Fuck!” 

The feeling of my legs burning as I run through open daylight, breathing heavily as music blasts through my ear buds. Yet even then the thought of frustration and desperate to forget causes the music to bleed into nothingness. Listening to an empty hollow, and all I could really hear and think is  **reed.** I can’t forget it! I want to, so fucking bad.. The doubt of me- of all of this. Why is it wrong for me, but okay for anyone else??

Stopping myself, sweating as my chest began to hurt as my throat burned from the endless running. Taking a time to breathe, to process everything. Why am I even doing this to myself, what am I even doing? I like him, I really  **fucking** like him..

“Johnny??” 

Breaking away from my thoughts as the familiar stranger approached me. My eyes widened in surprise, choking on my water bottle to see her in the early morning. “Kira- hey..” I greeted her hesitantly. 

She looked at me amused, “What are you doing up, this early?”

“Morning run..” I simply responded, “You..?” 

“Same here actually.. With my mom.” She said quite hesitant back this time, to realize she wasn’t alone. She was motioning to the woman in the wheelchair beside her. She was very beautiful, resembling Kira very well. She had dark skin and hair tied in pretty braids,staring at me with a blank expression.. I was puzzled but I smiled shyly.

“Hey, nice to meet you Ms. Anderson.” I greeted softly, and yet her response was nothing. Her expression never changed, motionless and which caused Kira to be tense. 

“She is actually sick.. Can’t really talk verbally really...” She responded as her tone lowered in such doubt. To my surprise, I didn’t know how to respond to that. I can tell she's uncomfortable being seen this way.. 

“Oh..” I managed to say, not saying anything against it or about it, clearing my throat, “Well.. I’ll see you later then.” I began to part way- but it was interrupted by her once again. 

“Johnny, wait..” She blurted, turning to see her puzzled. She took a few steps toward me, a short distance away from her mother. Leaving her to look at the quiet pond beside us as Kira was timid and was guarded by this. Standing with pride under completel fear. “You won’t tell anyone about this right?” She asked with a playful tone, yet completely tensed. “About.. About my mom.” She said casually. 

Clearing her throat, as she crosses her arms. Peering her eyes away from me, biting her lower lip nervously. So nervous yet she still stood with guarded pride, forcing a smile, “It just.. If people knew..” With such pride, she wouldn’t seem to finish that sentence..

Taken back by her words, clearly admitting she was embarrassed by her ill mom. It was hard to swallow, yet part of me gets it. Embarrassed to the point of being pitied, and being pitied is the worst feeling on earth. Soften, as I reassured, “Kira.. I would never.” I stated, trying not to give in the urge to do something awkward like patting her shoulder. She could possibly not want that at all. “Kira you  **matter** to me. Okay? I wouldn’t do that to you..” 

My words slowly caused her guard to break slightly, and perhaps her embarrassment and fear of others is much more to it behind closed doors.. Cracked shell but it still stands. As if she heard this once before.. Scratching the back of my neck, hesitant as it isn’t something I could bring up alone, yet I continued anyway. 

“I.. also have a mom who's really sick.. Sick where I wish I could do more, but can’t. And knowing I can’t do anything- I didn’t want anyone else to know it either. But they did, and they treated me a certain way all ‘nice’ because my mom.” I confessed shyly, taking a deep, heavy breath as it had been a long time to even mention it. Even when I did, it was difficult to think about it by memory. 

I watched her finally breathe, eyes widen yet soften shyly as her posture relaxed. She didn’t say anything as those words brought her comfort or at least clarity to feel the same. The thought of my mom being ill, caused the shell to completely shattered and burying down her blunt pride as she became vulnerable.. Usually she would always say something as a remark, but instead she looked down at her foot picking on the dirt below us shyly. 

“Did she..” She asked quietly, before looking at me with permission to know. Permission to know if it's okay to ask, as it was difficult to think about. To at least go through, and in response. I simply nodded. 

“Yeah.. she uh..died when I was in third grade, she had cancer. Had it for a while.” The memory came by like a breeze, as I was so little sitting on my seat that my dad had to bring a pillow for me to feel tall. To see my mother so vibrant and beautiful as a bird on stage- “..one minute she was fine the second she just shut off so suddenly…and I was like 7.” I shyly said at the end, a painful thought to my horror to see her suddenly drop as if the sun has died. Watching helplessly, wishing to have a power to do something as she layed in bed for endless enertinity..

“Look..” Clearing away from my thoughts, taking a small step forward to her. Reaching out to her emotionally as I can because I get it. “I just want to let you know.. I’m here for you. Nothing you say or have would make me think any less or other of you.” I promised, with more confidence in my words, to cause her to crack a small. There was a brief short silence between us afterwards, for a while I decided it was all I could say. About to part ways-

“My mom has muscular dystrophy.. At Least the Becker's disease..” She confessed shyly, yet this time with more honesty and comfortability in her words. Looking back at her mom for a split second, as if she was taking in a brief thought, thinking of her, to process to even say about it. She was biting her lower lip, frowning as she took a deep breath herself, “It's a type of disease you’ll develop in your teens. Or twenties.. Its uh gene mutations, basically your muscle would begin to deteriorate.. Harder to move at all, breath or anything. Which gets worse as it progresses older.. And obviously you can get help or improve generally with physical therapy or whatever..” 

“My mom has that.. It wasn’t much of an issue you know- before at least? She was actually a WNBA by the way- which is cool. Super cool, and she improved a lot.. She was fine ” Frowning to herself as she continued to gaze over her mom, “We thought she was doing better, she even told us every time she got home to me after her tour- that it's fine but..” 

“She wasn’t..” I softly responded to which she shyly nodded. Shrugging casually about it, yet clearly it bothered her. 

“ Physical therapy wouldn’t work anymore, especially how she tends to um.. overwork herself anyway. she knew about it too..” She said much quieter at the end, under those words I can hear the frustration and hurt toward her mom. “ Yet she continued to do it anyway because Basketball was important.. One minute she was on top of the court and then she just **dropped** suddenly. It happened when I was only 13.. I saw it. I was there!”

The familiarity at the end, I felt myself tensed up because..as I said before, I get it. She then shyly laughed bitterly, turning to me with such irony in her eyes that became so dark as if she was buried under a mix of emotions of mourning and anger.

“Sorry.. It just- its not funny you know?” She said in such spite at herself, smiling with such frustration.

“..I don’t get it.” She blurted angrily to herself and to me, “ I know she's my mom, and she probably didn’t want me to worry. She was my influence and I watch her game like she's  **my** hero. Didn’t want me to be sad or otherwise. Yet.. the sametime she spent her last few days quietly in pain for basketball rather than being with me. Spending time with me- I never get to play basketball with her one last time. Run in the morning together- Like we always do..”

“ Is it that important, basketball??” She began to question, she seemed to be asking herself throughout years alone. “Its what I think about every fucking day, and I wanted to understand it. Basketball is part of her- why was she so obsessed with it?? if I did what she loves so damn much..-.”

“To understand why she did it..” I mumbled after her, I began to realize what she was trying to say. Her mom chose to continue through the pain for basketball as if it was her world. Bittering understanding, as her daughter didn’t know she was in pain. 

“I did everything she did back in Monroe.. I did it all. Basketball, playing like it's my last breath. I wanted to be the best to know why and I devoted my life for it. I did whatever it takes to  **be** great as **her.** . People there knew, They saw it..” She mumbled, feeling the cold breeze right past me as I knew what she was telling me as it happened to me also.. “They felt bad for me.. Stupid pity- and said some stuff to me like its a charity.. I couldn’t handle it.”

“Moved here with my aunt.. So..” She said lastly, I can tell a great weight was lifted off her shoulder as if she was carrying this consistent thought and feeling for years alone.“I.. I obviously still and always love her. I mean it's my mom, it just..” Not able to say any more as she knew it was already enough to say. This was something I could tell she wasn’t able to talk about it in a very long time outwardly, as if she was running away from it for so long.. Even as it was years ago, it was like yesterday to her. 

“You want to know a big secret of mine?” I said casually, shifting the blued atmosphere she narrowed her eyes at me. Without an answer, I continued anyway. “My name is actually Elliot.. Johnny is just my middle name. Like erm.. Elliot Jonathan Chen. But you can’t tell anyone, it's the biggest secret of mine!” I declared, as she was puzzled by this secrecy. To why I opened about this in particular. 

“Elliot..?” She quoted my birth name slowly, as if she was processing it together. I nodded in response, grinning with genuine. Quite shaken to say that name in such a long time..

“Elliot is the name my mom picked for me. Name after her favorite ballet musical, Billy Elliot.. She was obsessed with it, because she was also a ballet performer herself..” Smiling to myself shyly to remember her on stage in those pink flats as if it was her last breath, “She was the best honestly. The greatest to the point I looked up to her. To the point I wanted to be  **as** great as  **her** .” I confessed shyly yet confident as I was honest. 

“I devoted my life to it too. It was the last thing that was hers before she left..” Shrugging shyly to express the end of that doting story of mine, “ at the time it was too hard to stay here, too hard for my dad to cope with it. Moved away and um.. changed my name to Jonathan..”

“Did you still do it..?” She asked quietly.

“Ballet?” 

“yeah..”

In a short brief silence, as I dearly loved it before.. I did love it.. Yet…

“No..” I finally answered, “Couldn’t do it..”

From my response, Kira shortly smiled in comfort and understanding of my point of view. Clearing her throat as her smile curled into a snarky smirk, “Ah.. look at us. Mommy issues am I right? You know what they say, us traumas gotta stick together. It creates great character development! We should have our own anime, we’re technically the perfect protagonist.” She said sarcastically, but I can tell it was a light response to it all. I cracked a smile as it brought me small comfort. 

“Yeah..” I played along casually, “Like that blonde dude with whiskers and the other guy's name.. rhyme with sausage!” 

She stopped for a split second, staring at me deadpanned, “You.. you mean.. Naruto and Sasuke…” To slowly make a face in complete disgust and horror, “Oh my god... She stated in disbelief as if I had stabbed her in the back for saying that. I try not to laugh as I smiled apologetically.

“Sorry.. I haven’t seen that series..” I admit. She shook her head as still stunned by my lack of knowing the show itself, “You.. are degenerate.. I mean it's one of the best shows I- '' She cut herself off as she couldn’t say anymore like it offended her honor dramatically that much. I grinned trying not to laugh furthermore. 

“I mean- I watched Boruto..”

“Thats w o r s e” She claimed while trying not to laugh back, trying to keep a serious tone by scrunching her expression yet it began to fail her. Laughing shortly as it was, facepalming jokingly as she was embarrassed by my statement. Heavily sighed, “You know, telling me your real name is such a bad idea. I could use that against you for it.” 

“Yeah.. that is true- I mean. No one knows except for those whose last name are Chen.” I said simply in matter of fact, as she was pleased or amused.

“And me..” She hummed.

“And you..” I admit to such open comfortability. 

“Well.. thanks Ej.”

Stopping from my track, I widened my eyes at the process of that nickname, “Wha… what…??” I blurted out in complete confusion to it. She snorted at my reaction, shrugging as she herself was not sure either, “I mean.. Elliot Jonathan. Ej!” She explained like she was a genius to my distaste. 

Shaking my head furiously, desperately not wanting to hear that at all. “Uh- no.. don’t call me that.. It doesn't sound right. Not into it.” I admitted outwardly, personally hearing that remind me of TJ alone. It would be confusing to visualize her walking passed and saying ‘hey EJ!’ that's almost.. I don’t know an odd copy of Tj alone. It sounds silly to me but it's just.. Awkward. 

She was amused as it was funny, not wanting to explain the full of my predicted imagination she seemed to read right through me as she got the idea why I didn’t want that name. She smirked, “Well.. Okay but I need to call you something..” 

“Just call me Elliot alone.” I said simply yet clearly it wasn’t going to fly with her. Stubborn as she is.

“No.. no I have to call you something. I know something that no one knows. I mean- come on. I have to!“ She claimed in such arrogance to know this kind of secret alone. Refusing it, as I worry Kira.. knowing her well enough she’ll come up with terrible ones. Possibly something to hurt my soul, however I couldn’t. Smiling softly, as I genuinely give in to her persistent excitement, “Fine.. call me whatever but Ej..” I clarified. 

Clearly it boosted her ego with me giving in. She cleared her throat as she tried to control her beaming self pride, to quickly put up a _ cool  _ act. “Okay, fine... El” She manages to say it slowly, staring at me as she awaits for me to react. 

I blinked at that nickname, ‘El’. Not the worse at least, not knowing how to respond to it- “Taking that as a yes.” She responded for me to my amusement. I chuckled giving in to that choice, smiling as she smiled back. 

“But seriously..” She then said quietly this time, as she was shy but genuine. “Thank you, El. For you know… being cool...” She simply said bluntly and quite hesitant as she gently tapped her foot at my leg as if it was an awkward form of platonic affection. Her way to put the right word together or to even express about. Although I was okay with it, because I knew what she meant, smiling as I tapped my shoe back at hers in understanding. To her relief, she laughed softly. 

“Hey.. actually.” I beamed up to an idea, before quickly looking at my watch to see if the time and day is still early. Fortunately it was very early, which is good. Turning to her attention, “Do you and your mom want to go on a run together with me? We still got time to spare before class anyway..” I proposed while noting to my watch. 

She was further surprised at that proposal, shaking her head as she grinned to happily accept it. “Yeah. Sure. We would love that actually.”

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**6: 30 am posts**

[[Kira Instagram story ]](https://64.media.tumblr.com/fdf320c62bdc140da92b95ab0093d2b2/a1deb17441ba8058-99/s2048x3072/cba120e66a1f96aeba45a5a10b546663c32d54e5.png)

[[ Johnny Instagram post](https://64.media.tumblr.com/068246695a84b5f7e6cc955a55ee67f5/a1deb17441ba8058-e6/s1280x1920/d8e425a5e042d4ff94e77549ed84fd6be2bb3505.png) ]

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like it hate it? Don't forget to leave a kudos and comments! :) I hope you guys like the kira and Johnny (or should I say Elliot-) dynamic!


	11. Love Like You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Completely chilling to my spine as my heart jolted like crazy for him alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter name inspire by "Love like you" by Rebecca Sugar

**7:45 AM**

**Johnny**

**“You got on in!?”**

Andi’s shrieking excitement rings through my ears, I even stepped a certain distance away hoping my hearing hadn't died. I only smirked in response, letting her see the board herself. Looking at the new Varsity Player, my name was on the top of the list. Andi ultimately gave me a death hug in a response of ‘congrats I knew you got in!’, for someone so small.. Surprisingly she has a great amount of strength to break my ribs if she wants to- 

“Hey- wait a min..” Cyrus noted to the board along with our reaction, “I’m guessing the Andi’s celebrations embrace meaning.. He got in?” He guessed but clearly already knows from the site of it. 

“Of course I got in, it's not much of a mere surprise. I’m the **best,** they want to  **have** me.” I manage to break out of her chokehold, with growing arrogance and pride within me. “I’m Speedy, they like my quickness.”

“Yeah.. bet not as quick as me though.” Buffy said with a devious challenge, stood high and mighty as she smirked widely. I rolled my eyes at her competitive stance, noticing by the corner of my eye seeing the chaotic boys of theirs. 

“Did you get in?” Jonah smiled widely as he quickly hopped ahead toward my way. I grinned, nodding “Yeah.. We both got in actually.” I mentioned, which caused the dimple teen to be bewildered. Standing in complete shock to process the news as if he expected otherwise, and before he could say anything he was completely death hugs by both tall teens. 

“Niceburges!!!” Tj said happily in such encouragement, boosting Marty's equal level of chanting over ideas they’ll do in court. As the surprise in Jonah's expression slowly turns to horror knowing the great trouble they'll cause him in the future. 

“Johnny- Buddy, you gotta help me get kicked off the team. I didn’t think this through.” He pleaded with his big green eyes. “Awe come on, don’t be like that. You love us too much to leave!!” 

“No.. No I don't.. Actually I’ll gladly leave now-” He announced as he tried to break out of their grasp but ultimately failed.

“Yeah.. do us a favor and make sure they don’t end up getting killed or Jonah killed?” Cyrus noted to me, suggesting to babysit them since implied Jonah despair. I blinked in amusement as slowly saluting to him, “I’ll do my utmost best.”

“I’m glad you got in.” Tj commented, who finally let go of Jonah but still was unable to get out of Marty grappling. “Not surprised though obviously, you’re pretty good.” He complimented genuinely, although those words came out slightly forced, acknowledging he wasn’t exactly pleased struggling to pass through me during my tryouts. 

I scoffed knowing well enough it was fun to watch him whipped through the floor, “Thanks.. You weren’t so easy either.” I complimented back to which he rolled his eyes but grinned to take it as it is. 

**“OH DOPE!!”**

Completely startled, as Marty gasped loudly as he stared at the screen of his phone, grinning widely while Jonah was coughing in the background to finally breathe freedom from his grasp. 

“Alissa, is having a party  **today** ! A fucking spring party-” The eyes of determinations by the word ‘party’ mention, he looked at me without a question, “Johnny, my boy.. You need to get us in.”

I stared at him puzzled for me to be involved, watching Buffy answer for me, “Martin, n o.” 

He pouts like a puppy, “ Oh come on.. He has to! She likes him and he likes her- it's a win situation for all of us! This can bring them together and us into the p a r t y” He claimed as he turned to me for agreement, “Right? It's a good idea!”

“I feel like parties are cool, but she repeatedly has one for each season? Feel a bit much don’t you think?” Jonah asked, to Marty's shock but at the same time not surprised by Jonah's constant confused state. 

  
“Yeah… BUT it's not just any party. It's Alissa’s party. I heard it's wild, and her parents are rich, rich. Big house with a pool. Like it's huge- there's no need to explain why we need to go.” He stated, with such pride, “I’m Mr. Party, it's my hobby to go to parties.” 

“Fine..” They all said for Marty's sake, who fist pumped the air in pure happiness. 

“Sometimes I question my relationship with you.” Buffy announced jokingly as she watched amused at her boyfriend's enjoyment. “Maybe you and Party is going too far.” 

He scoffed as he smirked in such sly, “Oh please.. You just can’t handle Mr.Party~”.

“Oh, I can handle Mr. Party.” She stated quite flirtatiously. The fire between her words definitely sparked Marty for a split second. “But this is concerning.” She softly added, yet he softly brushed it off. 

“You know me, I’ll be fine.” He promised softly, then his eyes widened as he peered over me. “Yo Johnny, it's her- Lisa wassup!” He greeted as he waved at her excitedly.

“Hey guys!” She greeted back, glancing over me shyly, “Hey..” 

“Hey.” I softly responded shortly. 

Andi cleared her throat as she softly complimented her, “Love the hair.” She noted her short braids. 

“Oh! Thank you.” She smiled, within short brief silence there was an urge look between her and I. Marty mostly picked at me to ask her, “Um Johnny, is there something you want to ask her?” He hummed. 

“I do..?” I asked hesitantly at a sudden spotlight, to which she was already looking at me. “I uh.. Um..”. A bit of me grew anxious and not able to say a word to ask, including they really don’t know what went down yesterday. The tension was awkward and unbearable. 

“He wanted to ask you on a date! Tonight?” Andi cut me off, putting words in my mouth for my sake. Clearly it sparked joy to Alissa, slightly taken back. Smiling at me, “I would like that.. But um- I can’t. Not tonight anyway- having a party. You guys want to come?” She said but surely at me. 

“Yes- we will definitely come!” Marty cut through the conversation with a toothy grin, to their amusement shushing him. Alissa softly cracked a giggle, before clearing her throat to my attention, “Can we talk alone..? Is- is that okay?” She asked them sheepishly. 

I felt a pit of panic but I agreed anyway. Quietly walking off into the halls with her alone, my thoughts ran through wondering what she could be wanting to talk about..? Possibly what from yesterday- that I ran off with Reed.. I ditched him in an empty pool- I kissed her bestfriend boyfriend. Feeling my palms to sweat as that saying in my mind does feel awful, as the moment was good but bad.. Really bad-

“I’m sorry about yesterday” We both blurted in such desperate pleading. Taken back as she also was the one panicking, watching her look at me with such an apologetic look in her eyes. I was puzzled, hesitant. “Wait.. what are you apologizing for? I.. I left yesterday without a notice. Which is a shit thing to do.” I shyly noted. 

She shook her head, “No- I should be the one sorry. I mean you had the right to leave- I would’ve too if I had to go through the Reed and Kristina drama.” She said as she expressed embarrassment. “It was outright awkward.. I mean they usually do that, just I guess I kind of expected them to do it privately.. Clearly ruined the day with.. You..” She mumbled, watching her cheeks become rosy red.

“Uh.. hey- no it's fine.” I didn’t know how to respond to that but I surely reassured her, “It wasn’t bad or a waste. I had genuinely fun with you. I promise..” 

“That's.. Good.” She beamed shyly but clearly in complete relief, quietly her small hands gently brushed against mine, before slowly grasping them. To my puzzled surprise by her, not realizing why she even did that in the first place. 

With aches and tides in my stomach from holding a girl's hand romantically..? These unsatisfied feelings just disappointed me, because.. I don’t know! Most guys would be completely falling in love with this! And she's nice, really beautiful ..and I should be liking this… but I’m not… 

“I.. Alissa..-”

“Johnny, hey..” A soft familiar voice caught my attention. With such longing in his eyes, relief to see me in the flesh as personally I haven't really been responding to his texts.. Seeing him finally breath as I stood before him, worried in his eyes. “Can we talk about.. Yesterday?” Reed asked softly, by such question. Such gentle and low tone, like his voice is the one reaching to hold my hand instead of hers. Completely chilling to my spine as my heart jolted like crazy for  **him alone** . Obviously he wanted to talk about yesterday.. Kiss and run, Me freaking out.. I wanted to avoid that topic. My jolting heart increases in such panic.

“Sure...” I managed to say hesitantly, but I didn’t move at all. 

He was completely baffled, tensed by my reaction. Eyes slowly linger at Alissa, hesitant “Well.. I just wanted to say I’m sorry for making you.. Freak out.. And I want to know if you’re okay... I um- I want to make up for it at least, maybe we can hang out today-”

“Oh! Can’t, we have a date tonight- well a party date I guess.” Alissa joked as she smiled at me, and answered for me completely. For a short pause as his eyes gazed at her hand and mine. The corner of his lip twitched by the sight of it, even by her presence it felt like he was ignoring her. 

“Yeah.. and um. It's cool, don't worry about it.” I shyly brushed him off quite bluntly like it was nothing.

“Yeah..? that's good..” He shortly responded, still narrowing his gaze at our hands. I can tell he was bothered, and that there was so much he wanted to say.. To find the complete irony of it or perhaps he found this unbelievable... he forced a smile as he finally looked at her as if he was genuine, “Party date..? Oh yeah, you’re party that you planned.. sounds fun, what time.”

She widened her eyes at his question of invitation, “Wait- really?”

“Yeah, really.” He shrugged, unaware of her confused gazed. “I mean- you usually don’t like parties. At least big crowds, it wasn’t your thing. Well.. I mean it was in middle school but..” She reminded him. 

“Yeah well, mind changed.” He joked lightly to her please, but I knew what he’s doing as he looked at me quietly from that response. Seeing right through me, and I hated that he could..

“It’ll be 8 pm, sharp!” She happily answered as she clearly didn’t think much of it. Watching him smile widely, yet strained.

“Cool, see you then.” He said as it was a promise.

“..See you then..” 

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**6:30 pm**

**[[ Instagrams post + Stories](https://mackippens.tumblr.com/post/645179522451406848/chapter-11-630-pm) ]**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry, yet again this is surprisingly short chapter compare to what I normally post! Took me awhile to update but I hope you guys like it so far! Please leave a kudo and comment!


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